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Tips for a Toddler Tinkling (and Screaming) in the Bath
Hi Dr. Heather,
My husband and I are hoping you can shed some light on a concern we have for our son who is 27 months old.
Over the last month during bath time, my son has peed in the bath 3 separate times, and without fail he would then ‘hold himself’ while crying/screaming hysterically! This has continued during every bath time where he is screaming like we have never seen. He doesn’t necessarily pee every time, but since the first occasion… then a second, and a third… his screaming has continued.
Even when he doesn’t pee in the tub, he still holds himself and is screaming almost like he doesn’t like the water hitting his ‘manhood’? We have tried new toys and bubbles; to all of which have not work or helped. We even tried to have him try to go potty before the bath but doesn’t go.
I must say also, that he is not potty trained yet but we are working on it.
We are not sure why he’s continually freaking out with or without the pee.
If you could please help and how we can overcome it we would be extremely grateful.
Regards,
Atlanta Mom
Hi Atlanta Mom,
Sudden fears of the bath at this age are quite common. One of my most-Googled posts has to do with sudden bath fears; I’ll post the link below.
In regards to his “manhood”, perhaps he’s upset that he couldn’t control it; on some level he’s starting to get the idea that “pee-pee does not belong in the tub”, yet he was unable to control himself those few times. So he’s really upset with himself and in conflict about the whole bath/potty training thing. (And of course I assume his penis doesn’t bother him any other time — like there’s not a urinary tract infection or something — also, some kinds of soap and bubble bath can be irritating. I assume that’s not it, but check it out.)
Talk to him about potty training, where pee-pee belongs, and how he accidentally peed in the tub; use a matter-of fact tone, with no scolding or worry in your voice. See if you can make it like a silly joke, so he doesn’t feel so bad. “Does pee pee belong in the tub? NO, silly! But that’s OK! We’ll keep trying and one day for sure you’ll get it!”
In the meantime, try some of the tips in my post linked below for bathtime fears, including letting him stand by the bath and playing with the water, until he feels comfortable getting back in the tub. Keep reassuring him, and go at his pace. Hang in there, I promise this will pass!
Here’s my Bathtime Fears Post:
http://babyshrink.com/2008/08/help-my-toddler-suddenly-hates-the-bath.html
Good luck and keep usposted!
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
Tips for a Mom Desperate to Potty Train her Toddler
One of my most frequently-asked questions is along the lines of one I recently received:
Dear Dr. Heather,
My daughter will be 3 in Sept. She absolutely refuses to use the potty. When I take her in the morning it seems she will hold it - even though her diaper is dry- until I give up. That can be up to 20 minutes. I’ve tried everything. Books, videos, Pull-Ups. She doesn’t even care if she wets herself. I am so very weary of putting big girl panties on her for fear that she will wet herself again!
Signed,
A Desperate Mom
I can certainly relate. I’ve experienced all sorts of variations on the potty training theme here in the BabyShrink household with our 3 young children. But this is one of the big issues that CAN’T BE RUSHED.
Here’s my response to “Desperate”, along with a link to one of my more popular posts on the subject.
Dear Desperate Mom,
She is giving you a very clear message — that she’s not ready yet! Save yourself (and her) the aggravation and bust out the diapers for another few weeks before you try again; and next time, follow her lead. This is not something you can force. Hang in there!
And here’s a link to my most popular potty training post, for more details.
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
Moving to a New Home with Young Kids
One of the things I love about BabyShrink is the ability get to know some of my readers over time. Tim had questions last year about his son’s distaste for haircuts. But I recently heard from him again, with questions about an impending move. Tim is clearly very tuned-in to his kids’ developmental needs and seems like a great Dad! I was thrilled to get a couple of updates from him on how things went:
Hi Dr. Heather,
I sent you a question last year:
http://babyshrink.com/2008/04/haircutting-fea.html
Thanks to some of your suggestions (and, perhaps, the passage of time), he no longer fusses like he used to…although he doesn’t necessarily look forward to haircuts.
A new issue that we are dealing with for both my son, now 4, and our 2-year old daughter is our impending move to a new town.
We currently live in a row home that is just around the corner from their daycare center and my place of employment. In three weeks, we are moving about fifteen miles away to a single-family home in a new town. From our perspective, this house offers the kids larger bedrooms (my son’s room does not currently allow enough space for a twin bed), a play/family room, a park and playground right across the street, a bigger yard with room for a vegetable garden (something we did last year at our local park) and a short walk to their future elementary school.
Of course, we realize that none of this may matter initially as we turn their world upside down. We’ve been preparing the kids for months, our son especially, and he’s only shown fleeting cues of this upsetting him. He has been acting out a bit more, but we can’t tell if it’s just part of his normal development or related to the move (or even picking up on our own stress over issues related to the move).
Luckily, they will continue to attend the same daycare, so a big portion of their days will offer a familiar routine. And, both do fairly well when we travel staying in unfamiliar environments or spending weekends with grandparents.
Any advice you can give on making this transition as smooth as possible would be great. Two specific questions I have:
1. The kids will spend a weekend with my mom while we do the bulk of packing and moving, but we plan on spending our final night together in the house. Any thoughts on something special we can do to give them some closure?
2. Should we immediately set up my son’s new bed or allow him to keep his familiar toddler bed?
Thanks,
Tim
Hi Tim!
Sounds like you have carefully thought through many of the issues. At the ages of your kids, moves can really be fairly simple. You may have a few days of adjustment, but overall, young children do pretty well with moves. They can’t understand much in advance, but that’s OK. They will base their reaction on YOUR reaction. They’ll look to you as parents for how to handle this. If you are organized, confident and excited about the move (and understanding that they may have some reaction), they will likely pick up their cues from you.
In terms of “closure”, stick with something simple. Waving “bye bye” to the new house, saying a few simple things like “thank you for being a wonderful house for us!” would be fine. Then really talk up the excitement of the new place.
In terms of the toddler bed, if you have the space, why not give him the choice and set up BOTH beds for awhile? Let him decide where to sleep each night. Some kids need transition time, but others are fine from night one. Experiment and see what works for him.
Did you catch this post from last year about moving? Check this out.
http://babyshrink.com/2008/06/moving-to-a-new.html
See if that helps, and let me know if you need some more suggestions.
Congrats on the new home!
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
Here’s Tim’s first update:
Dear Heather,
Thanks! And congratulations on the new baby!
I’m already feeling better about this. He took pictures of both our old and new house in to school today and seemed to enjoy showing his friends. After school he wanted to take more pictures of the old house “to make a scrapbook.” We have some friends who live near the new house, but we don’t get to see more than once or twice a year. I’m going to see if we can arrange a playdate so that the kids can see how close they will be. I’m thinking that will give them something else to look forward to.
And Tim’s second update:
Now that we’ve been in our new home for a week, I wanted to give you an update. Both my 4-year old son and 2-year old daughter have adjusted nicely, even after throwing in a vacation over Memorial Day weekend.
Before the move, we arranged a play date with some old friends who happen to be new neighbors. The kids had a great time, and Delton eagerly told everyone the next day when he was moving. We explained to Julia how we were packing things to move on a truck, and she kept saying “move” and “truck” over and over that week.
They were fine, other than a few tears the night before our move:
With lots of help from family and friends, we set up their rooms first. New linens and easy-to-reach bookshelves were a hit. And my son went with his new big bed right away.
One surprise awaited them at our new house…kids! We are on a corner lot, and both our neighbors have preschoolers who were very eager to meet and play. In fact, they seemed to get together in the adjoining backyards every night after work, and we were all to happy to help their new friendships along.
Now all we need to do is get those boxes unpacked!
Thanks again,
Tim
