Baby Binky Battles
March 26, 2008 by Dr. Heather
Filed under Annoying Toddler Behaviors, BEST OF BABYSHRINK
Dear BabyShrink,
My two-year-old will not cope without his pacifier. He keeps it in his mouth at all times. I am afraid it is delaying his speech as he has quite a few words, but most of the time tries to talk with the button in his face. I have always hated it when I see toddlers running around with plugs in their mouth, and (as Karma always works) I can’t get him to get over his. He won’t go to sleep without it, and if he realizes it’s missing for more than an hour or so, he starts crying and won’t stop until it’s found. This can be very tiring for my mom, who watches him during the day, because very often we don’t know where he lost it. Most of the time it’s found after 30 minutes of searching, buried in the bottom of his toy box, or mixed into the dirty laundry hamper. My question is this? Should he still be so dependent on this silly piece of rubber? If not, how can I get rid of it without him completely flipping out?
Tired of Searching, Las Vegas
Dear Tired,
Yeah, I have one of those at home too. There are different schools of thought about this: we have a pediatrician who tells us to lose the Binky after 6 months, and a pediatric dentist who says “Hey, it’s better than a thumb! Don’t worry about it! Orthodontia is a lot cheaper than psychiatry!” (I swear, she really said this, not knowing I’m a psychologist). I’ve also heard that Binks can delay speech — but I’ve seen too many kids explain the whole storyline of a Super Why! episode with a Binky firmly in place, so I’m not convinced on that front.
Psychologically, there is something to the notion that a toddler is working very hard on independence, and Binkies and other comfort “loveys” are there to help support that independence. There is so much turmoil in a toddler’s life. Things are so out of their control, and a little self-soothing goes a long way. This won’t hurt him psychologically; rather, it tells him that Mom and Dad will support him in his efforts to cope and make himself feel better. He will move on, when he’s ready for the next step, developmentally (which will probably be the annoying preschooler’s habit of: Nose-picking! Betcha can’t wait for that one!)
On the other hand, many kids will be ready to give up the Bink, and won’t put up more than a couple of days of fight about it. It depends on how irritating it is to you, and also how willing you are to pick this particular battle, with this particular toddler, at this particular time.
So what’s a parent to do?
You have 2 choices:
If you’re really sick of it, go for it and decide to spend your precious parental effort, time and sanity on an eliminate the Binky” plan. What worked for us with our oldest (when we still had the time and energy to fight this particular battle) was to, first, have a conversation about it: now that you’re 2 years old, you’re big enough to not have the Binky except for in your crib. The Binky stays in the crib, now for sleep only. Expect protests, and try to have a substitute ready that might (reluctantly) be accepted (blanket, stuffed animal). Then phase out Binky over a week or so, explaining that “you’re big enough now without it, here’s your (blanket, animal) instead.
Stick with the program. Sympathize mightily with the feelings of hurt over the lost Bink, but make a huge deal out of, “Now that you’re such a big boy without a Binky, look at all the cool things you can do now! Only babies have a Binky.” Once it’s over, it’ll probably be over.
(Photo: Little did she know she’d eventually be subjected to the eliminate the Binky plan.)
OR:
Decide that “resistance is futile”, and buy 15 or 20 more Binks to leave around the house, diaper bag, crib, car, etc, etc, so that at least you’re not going crazy looking for them everywhere. That’s actually what we do with our youngest right now. But we are making a concerted effort to talk to him about, the fact that; “The Binky is for the house. Binky does not go to the store. Say “bye” to Binky, we’ll see him when we get back to the car”; getting him ready for the day, closer to the age of2 ½ or 3 (or 4…), when we phase out the Binkster altogether. I really do think that, after that age, there’s no reason the Bink should be kept around any longer.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes!
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
I can’t remember where I heard this idea… but while trying to wean a toddler from a pacifier, to tie it to an object in the house, with a ribbon or something, not too long to choke on – anyway, the toddler can go to it anytime he wants comfort, but can’t take it with him – the toddler is more interested in playing than sitting away from the action with the pacifier, but it’s there if he needs it for comfort – with no restriction on how often he can go to it.
Sounded like a nice way to wean from a pacifier…
We had a pacifier baby and a thumbsucker baby. Believe me, the pacifier baby is much easier to deal with. We did what Heather did, reducing the time she could have the Binky. Our grande finale was to announce that the Binky Fairy was coming, and it was time to collect all the binkys in the house to leave out that night for the Binky Fairy who would give them to all the new babies who didn’t have Binkys yet. I don’t remember how old our daughter was when we did this- somewhere between 2-3 I’m sure- but it worked like a charm. No fuss, no fighting. I don’t remember if the Binky Fairy left a gift behind for the “Big Girl”, but I think that wouldn’t be a bad idea either.
TRICIA:
I really like this idea! Has anyone ever tried it? If so, please comment to tell us how it went! Thanks!
MAMABIGDOG:
There must be something magical about that kind of approach, because so many people use it so sucessfully. I think the specific age (they are old enough to buy into imaginative fantasy stories, but not so old that they’ve REALLY got a major habit to break)….is a great one.
Thanks for commenting, and I hope others who are currently going through this process will also comment to tell us how it’s going!
We took my daughter and her “mammy” to Toys R Us. We let her pick out (within reason) any toy in the store that she wanted, and we “paid” the cashier with her mammy (paci)…..it took a wink, wink from mom to the cashier, but it worked. My daughter gladly handed over her mammy in return for her new baby doll, I snuck in and paid behind her and got the mammy for my keepsake box…..and she’s NEVER asked for it again. She was closer to three and two though…..
LESLIE:
This is for sure the age for that kind of trick. THEY get to feel like they are in control of the whole operation, which makes loads of difference. Thanks!
Thanks for all the great advice everyone. For now I have gone the “resistance is futile” route and just have a few spares around, as well as a specifice place that all of the adults in the house leave the Button whenever we find one of the spares. He is getting better about going without it for longer periods of time, and has even fallen asleep (when he was REALLY tired) without it twice now. He also tends to play with it more than suck on it anymore really, but it’s still pretty prevalent in the home. I tried the tying it to things, but that just freaks him out and makes him scream in frustration. When I have the chance to take a vacation I may do the toy store thing, that would be fun, and give him a replacement lovie too…
Thank again BabyShrink, and all you loyal mommy readers. This really helps!!!
OATMEAL:
This is what BabyShrink is all about! Thanks to you and all you terrific readers for posting ideas and suggestions. Make sure to take a look around, we’re getting lots of action on a number of posts this week. And more to come!
My older son stopped using his pacifier cold turkey when he was three – he fell off a jungle gym & knocked his front teeth loose. My second son, though, had his pacifiers taken by the “pacifier fairy” when he was also 3 and STILL asks me about them. (He’s 6.) The other day he said “Mom, I bet you’re really the pacifier fairy, aren’t you?”
For both of them we had millions and millions of pacifiers all over the house.
Hi Amy!
Our 6-year-old is starting to get suspicious about the tooth fairy, too.
I think I should buy stock in the Avent company, which makes our youngest’s binks. And let’s not even START about the bottle…he gets upset if we try to give him milk in a sippy cup, but he will take water or juice in a cup. Just not milk. We have not yet chosen to fight that battle, either. The first 2 kids were off the bottle before 12 months of age….but we’re just too TIRED to figure out how to wrest the magical “milky bottle” from the little one’s cute, chubby hands! Ah, the baby of the family….
We took our daughter’s binky away when she was two. We told her we were going to do it, and we took from her and never gave it back. It was cold turkey. And that kid, who used to have that thing permanently attached to her mouth, never even cried for it. Thank goodness my son never took one, or I’m sure we’d have a battle on our hands! But, I know we would’ve used the same method.
MOMO FALI:
Yeah, it’s funny how so many toddlers surprise us by causally giving things up. We’re all ready for a big fight, but they’re like, “whatever. ho hum.”
It’s one of the reasons I LOVE TODDLERS. (except for on an airplane. or a restaurant. or wait; maybe at the bank too. but i digress.)
Seriously, they always keep us guessing!
You know what’s really funny is we did they whole cold turkey thing with his bottle. New Years 2006 into 07 he was a year and a half, and the bottles got thrown out when he went to bed. He never got another one. I don’t think he even really noticed. I had every intention of doing the same with his button this year, but it just didn’t work out. THAT he REALLY noticed, and I just haven’t had the heart to take it away…
OATMEAL:
I am with you and in the same boat. My goal is to get rid of the bottles for our youngest at least before we go on summer vacation in June. Setting a goal, with a date….that helps, I think. Also thinking of how to cut back bit by bit in anticipation of “B-Day”.
I know, everyone in the whole house has to be ready before a major undertaking like that!
Keep us posted!
My first two boys were/are thumb suckers. You can’t take that away. My youngest is a binky addict. We made the conscious decision to do #2–just buy extra binkies…now he sleeps with 5. Two in both hands and one in his mouth. When I ask him how many he needs he answers, “five”. So, he can count pretty well with a binky stuck in his mouth.
HRH:
I love it! At least he’s learning his counting. My kid has “the Binky” and “the other one”, which he has to swap/test/taste to see which one is “better”. Some real gourmet Binkies these days, I guess!
Our daughter is still using her “Nini” (at 2 1/2), but only when she sleeps. We told her that she was a “big girl” and didn’t need to have it any other time, and she went with it. It seems to work pretty well, but sometimes now I think she says she wants to go to bed (or take a nap) simply because she wants her nini! I think we’ll phase it out totally at 3 with the Binky Fairy idea (tho I LOVE the one about paying for a new toy with the old bink).
Better than thumb sucking anyhow!
KATIE KAT:
It’s cute that she asks for a rest when she wants her “Nini”! She knows that she needs a break and some self-soothing. As they get older, they learn more varied ways of self-soothing, but for now…whatever works!
Hi I was reading this trying to find good ways to get rid of Bink as hubby has a meltdown every time its lost so I have to deal with two meltdowns instead of one and it is about to drive me nuts…problem is I am seeing a trend…2.5 to 3 seems to be the general age for that. I wanted to get him off it by two…not gonna happen at this rate. I like the idea about paying for a stuffy with Bink. however I don’t think Monkey would go for that one. He barely will give it to me to go to the park. I was thinking maybe to EASE him into getting rid of it I could sew one on to a stuffy and eventually (actually buy two stuffies that are a like) leave stuffy #1 with Bink in bed and then only allow him to have Stuffy #2 when he isn’t sleeping…then EVENTUALLY take the Bink off of Stuffy (which by the way we would name Bink as well) and stuff it (and any others we have) inside the Stuffies. and maybe tell him that Stuffy needed them for some reason or another…haven’t quite concocted that one yet
Good luck! Often it takes a lot of creating thinking and experimentation to make progress — but stick with it, and it will happen! Remember that early age 2 is a pretty naturally oppositional time, so taking away the Bink now might be more difficult than necessary. But if it’s making you nuts — go for it!