Biting Babies
March 10, 2008 by Dr. Heather
Filed under Annoying Toddler Behaviors, Babies
Dear BabyShrink,
My 16-month-old son just got kicked out of daycare for biting, a habit he picked up there! I’ve heard many different ways to stop the biting habit. Do you have any suggestions on what you’ve found that works best?
Amy in Louisville
Hi, Amy,
I’m so sorry that your son’s daycare hasn’t found a better way of addressing this COMMON toddler behavior — one that needn’t be made into such a big deal.
Now, yes, I know that it is very upsetting to be on the receiving end of a bite, and even more so to be the parent of the “bite-ee”, but we have to look at this as normal toddler exploratory behavior. Babies at this age still get a lot of their information about the world through their mouths. Plus, they’re often teething, and they’re not the greatest at explaining their wants and needs. So a bite now and then is really understandable. Some toddlers even bite to convey their love and affection for someone! Modifying the environment usually does the trick in minimizing biting.
First, give care and attention to the “bite-ee” IF he/she is upset, and certainly if the skin is broken. But if the child isn’t upset, don’t make a big deal out of it (you don’t want to unnecessarily reinforce the biting). DO show the biter what to do instead. "We don’t bite people, but you CAN bite this special toy! This is YOURS to bite!" (Click HERE to see a photo of the kind of chewie things that Early Intervention specialists use for toddlers; we have one at home. It’s a little different than what you get at the regular baby store. They’re nearly indestructible, and they’re fun to chew.)
Analyze what came before the bite. Was the child tired? Overstimulated? Teething? Take care of THOSE issues first, and you should see a reduction in biting.
At home, be unemotional about biting, but firm. "No biting. If you want to bite, bite this instead." If he bites you, say, without reacting TOO strongly, "Ouch. That hurt. No biting. Here’s your bite toy." And then move on. If you have to be a broken record, do so — you might have to for awhile. But he will eventually stop.
Maybe moving to a new daycare is not for the worst thing in the long run. Toddlers need and deserve daycare settings that know how to handle this, and other annoying (but normal!!) toddler behaviors, without making the kids look like little monsters. Try to find a new daycare that has established approaches that work with biting; you don’t want a place that is scared off by a little chomping.
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
Ok, but what should you do if the child is a little over 2 yrs. of age and still biting? By this time, they are usually out of the teething stage. There is a child in my daughter’s class who has bitten my child 4 times since August. This child will sometimes do it when she doesn’t get her way, but other times she will do it completely unprovoked. The child has been tested due to school requirements when this type of behavior continues, but we don’t see any improvement. (My daughter was bitten again last week.) What could possibly be the cause for this? I would like to try and help the mom out since she seems to be at her wit’s end. Thanks!
SHARON:
I’m sorry your little one is the bite-ee!
Again, I say it’s up to the teachers to manage their environment properly. Perhaps they have too many kids per teacher? When you say the biter has been “tested”…what does that mean? The school needs to devise (and follow) a specific plan to deal with this problem. If you don’t get an adequate plan from the teacher, you need to move up the ladder at the school and talk to the administrator. They need to develop a workable plan so that all the kids are safe! Just like the biter shouldn’t be kicked out for taking a bite…the bite-ee should (for sure!) not have to suffer repeated bites!!
This is not rocket science…I hate to say it, but what preschool does NOT have to deal with this? It’s such a common toddler thing. I’m always surprised when a school has no established way of dealing with biting. It shouldn’t be a big mystery to them. Many schools have behavioral consultants of some kind (and they should, if they don’t). These specialists should help handle these situations. If you don’t get satisfaction….it’s time to move on to a better place that can manage these common problems more appropriately. —-If the school can’t handle biting, what ELSE are they mis-managing? That’s my worry. Thanks for this important addition to the conversation!
Well, they think there are some mental issues going on with this child. I have spoken to the Director and here is what she says is the protocal: If the child continues to bite (after more than just a couple of times, and it is becoming an issue) then they sit down with the parents and ask them to have the child tested for all sorts of things. (Behavioral, mental, emotional issues) If the parents comply, then the child can stay at the school, if the parents refuse to comply, then the school has the right to decide to kick the child out. It seems to me that this child does have something more going on, more than just a “this is typical behavior” thing. I don’t know, I just know I don’t like my child being the victim here, probably as much as the parent of the biter doesn’t like her child to bite. It seems like we are at a crossroads, neither party knows what to do next. I am not asking the child to be kicked out, I just wish they were doing a little more to remedy the situation. Sorry to vent, but having your child come home with a huge red nose with little teeth marks in it is not a fun situation. Thanks for all the advice!!
Sharon