Comments on: Boys and Feelings http://babyshrink.com/2008/03/boys-and-feelin.html Child and parent development by licensed psychologist, Dr. Heather. Sat, 04 Feb 2012 22:24:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: BabyShrink http://babyshrink.com/2008/03/boys-and-feelin.html/comment-page-1#comment-63 BabyShrink Sat, 22 Mar 2008 12:55:01 +0000 http://babyshrink.com/2008/03/boys-and-feelings.html#comment-63 KEVIN: I love it! Being silly is a great way for a Dad to help his son deal with perfectionism. I wish I had my husband's sense of humor, 'cuz he can defuse a tricky situation much better than I can. I also really like your idea of thinking ahead about your son, and having some things to say and do, ready to go, for when the situation arises. So you're ready to deal with the problem as it happens. I hope you come back and give us some more ideas on other topics too! ;) KEVIN:
I love it! Being silly is a great way for a Dad to help his son deal with perfectionism. I wish I had my husband’s sense of humor, ‘cuz he can defuse a tricky situation much better than I can. I also really like your idea of thinking ahead about your son, and having some things to say and do, ready to go, for when the situation arises. So you’re ready to deal with the problem as it happens.

I hope you come back and give us some more ideas on other topics too! ;)

]]> By: Kevin http://babyshrink.com/2008/03/boys-and-feelin.html/comment-page-1#comment-62 Kevin Sat, 22 Mar 2008 11:08:32 +0000 http://babyshrink.com/2008/03/boys-and-feelings.html#comment-62 I have a five-year-old son who has some perfectionistic issues, which he could not have avoided having two recovering perfectionists as parents. With this (and with some other difficult emotional issues) I have found that if I "act out" as myself what I think is going on with my son, it can be somewhat helpful. With perfectism for example, if I am shooting my baskets with him and he is clearly having difficulty with his own performance, I will take the opportunity of a missed shot by me (happens all the time) and start getting down on myself in a playful/serious way (i.e. "I am such a bad shooter, I will never make another basket, I am the worst player on earth.") While my son seems to know that there is a playful aspect to my behavior, he responds to it both playfully and seriously. I have been amazed, first, by the way that my son will come to defend me against the perfectionistic part of me with statements that he might have heard from us at different points (i.e. "Dad, you just need to keep practicing" or "Dad, you can't make every shot.") Second, its amazing that often following this, he seems to be somewhat less hard on himself (as if saying it to me first somehow helps him say it to himself). This has been helpful for me in different situations, and I think helpful for our children. I have a five-year-old son who has some perfectionistic issues, which he could not have avoided having two recovering perfectionists as parents. With this (and with some other difficult emotional issues) I have found that if I “act out” as myself what I think is going on with my son, it can be somewhat helpful. With perfectism for example, if I am shooting my baskets with him and he is clearly having difficulty with his own performance, I will take the opportunity of a missed shot by me (happens all the time) and start getting down on myself in a playful/serious way (i.e. “I am such a bad shooter, I will never make another basket, I am the worst player on earth.”) While my son seems to know that there is a playful aspect to my behavior, he responds to it both playfully and seriously. I have been amazed, first, by the way that my son will come to defend me against the perfectionistic part of me with statements that he might have heard from us at different points (i.e. “Dad, you just need to keep practicing” or “Dad, you can’t make every shot.”) Second, its amazing that often following this, he seems to be somewhat less hard on himself (as if saying it to me first somehow helps him say it to himself). This has been helpful for me in different situations, and I think helpful for our children.

]]>