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Mom Kelley Tells Us How Ben is Sleeping Now
Yesterday, I posted the first half of my conversation with
Kelley, Mom to 13-month-old Ben. Ben was making his parents crazy from lack of
sleep, and they were desperate enough to try anything.
I gave them some suggestions designed to send Ben a
clear, consistent message about sleeping through the night, in his own crib. Read
on to see what happened!
Dear Dr. Heather,
I am happy, so happy, to report that Ben is now sleeping
in his crib and more often than not, sleeping through the night! We still stay in his room until he falls
asleep, but he has accepted the crib and sleeping on his own. And once, he even fell asleep
Thanks so much for your advice. Although he still cries almost every night, it’s more of an
unwinding cry, not a distressing cry that I associate with the "cry it
out" method. Ben wakes up in a
good mood because I think he’s proud of himself for being such a big boy! My husband and I needed to get used to sharing
a bed, but it didn’t take long for us to feel like a married couple
again.
We
started by creating a game plan based on your suggestions. Our first goal was to get him to go to sleep
in his current bed (mattress we placed on the floor of his room) without us
snuggling him. To do that, we started
by talking to him about going "night-night" by himself and how mommy
and daddy loved him very much and how proud we were of him. Then after his bath, we made a production
about saying
and my husband left the room while I stayed and sat at the end of his bed. When he got up to come to me, I placed him
back on his pillow and told him that I loved him and it was time to go "night-night."
It took
about 45 minutes, but he finally realized that I wasn’t going to snuggle him
and he focused on getting comfortable and eventually fell asleep. In the beginning, he woke up a couple of
times during the night and we had to snuggle him down once or twice. We did
that for about a week and then we re-introduced him to his crib by putting him
in during the day with some of his toys. That night, we did our same bed
routine, made a production with kisses and good nights and then I put him in
his crib and told him to go "night-night." Me or my husband leave the crib and
on the bed in his room. He still sits
up and cries, but when we tell him to go "night-night" he immediately
lays down and stops crying while he rolls around trying to get
comfortable. We may do that a couple of
times, but the key is that he knows that we aren’t going to be picking him up. We
will soon start leaving the room while he is still awake, but we are so happy
with our situation now, that we will not force the issue.
Talking
to him about exactly what we were going to do was probably the most important
aspect of our plan (that, and following through with it).
I never
would have thought that he would understand what I was saying to him. It’s actually funny to watch him throw
himself down in his crib when I tell him that it’s time to go night-night. He understands right away.
When he
wakes up in the mornings, we rush in to get him and tell him that we are so
proud of him for sleeping all by himself and how much we love him.
I swear
it’s changed our relationship because I’m communicating with him so much more
than I did before you suggested it.
We’re
all happier now and better able to handle the stubborn, independent behaviors
that he is starting to demonstrate. 
He
really seems happier than before.
again for your guidance!
What has worked for you to get your baby to sleep through the night, in their own crib? Post a comment to share your ideas!
My wife and I watched the “Sleepeasy Solutions” video when my daughter was 4 months old. That night we also gave her solid food for the first time.
She slept through the night, all by herself in her crib, for the first time that night.
I say it’s because she saw the video :}
BACKPACKING DAD:
I haven’t seen that video. What does it suggest? What did you try that worked (or didn’t work)?
I daresay, though, that giving her solid food was maybe accidentally associated with her sleeping through the night. You got lucky!
I bet there is a chorus of other parents out there who desperately fed their babies early (like we did), only to see no change in sleeping habits.
Our third baby was up several times a night until he turned one. That was when we used the suggestions I made above to Kelley. I think some babies are developmentally ready to sleep through the night earlier (or later) than others. Our oldest didn’t do it regularly until she was 4! (eegads, it’s painful to remember those times!)
WOW! What a great outcome. We had a similar problem, although B had slept in her own bed from when she was 2 weeks old. Still, we were up and down 4 and 5 times a night. I finally read Dr. Ferber’s newer version of his book, and tried the modified technique (which really isn’t “cry it out”!), and it actually worked.
I think the most amazing and important part of your experience is that you feel like you are communicating better with Ben and have a better relationship with him (and your hubby)! That makes such a difference. I hope Heather’s insight will lead you to keep communicating and interacting with Ben!
Wow! I am impressed. Good job Kelley!
I think a lot of people misunderstand CIO. In fact, I don’t even think I understand it all, but I know in some circuits people associate any crying at all with CIO. That’s not the case at all, and besides - it’s a big difference for young Ben to have had his mom or dad in the room with him while he cried or fussed to settle down than to have been left on his own. The mere presence of a parent was reassuring to him and he could focus on relearning a nighttime pattern. Good for the whole family! I’m happy they found something that worked for them!
FWIW, it sounds like Ben might be a kid who needs to cry or fuss a bit to wind down. Some kids need to release a little tension before sleep, and some kids only wind themselves up when left to cry or fuss for a stretch of time. Knowing which kid you have helps tremendously when you’re trying to make a change like this.
Crying-it-out worked quickly, easily and (relatively) painlessly for us. We used the Ferber method at six months, and it made bedtime less stressful for all of us, and helped her get a full night’s sleep. Today she is a happy, well-rested baby and none the worse for those two nights of “ferberizing.”
Also, I made sure she slept every night in her crib from day one. Yes, it was harder on us at the beginning, as we had to get up and go down the hall for feedings, and spend hours in the rocker in her room, but I think it was easier on both us and her in the end, since we never had to go through a big transition to the crib.
Thanks for a good post on this “holy grail” for parents — sleep!!
KATIE KAT:
The “talking to your baby” thing sounds so simple at first, but it never occurs to many of us (myself included) until it’s suggested to us. We somehow think that it’s impossible a baby can understand these things…yet they do, at least SOME of it…and especially the TONE we use to convey our wants/needs/hopes/expectations. As Kelley found, it often works way better than we imagine it could….and of course, leads us to better communication overall with our kids.
I love it!
AMY:
You are so right. Some kids DO need a little crying in order to “wind down” after the action of the day. There are DIFFERENT KINDS OF CRIES. One of our kids was a crier too. It took a lot of help from my mentor to help me see that SOME crying was just “blowing off steam”…and NOT reflective of any real pain/anguish on the baby’s part…nor any failing of mine, as a mother. The baby couldn’t TELL ME about her day, her stresses, her confusion, her questions, her frustrations….she couldn’t go take a run or wrestle with her brothers…all she could do was CRY. And she felt better afterwards. We did some mild form of CIO with that baby…and she did great, like Ilima’s baby (below). But our boys were different, and needed some more support, as Kelley did with her Ben.
So again: It comes down to individual differences, and trying different things with each baby, based on the needs of that baby….and of the whole household.
Not always an easy task, I know…but it comes down to being GOOD ENOUGH…..NOT PERFECT.