You are so right. Some kids DO need a little crying in order to “wind down” after the action of the day. There are DIFFERENT KINDS OF CRIES. One of our kids was a crier too. It took a lot of help from my mentor to help me see that SOME crying was just “blowing off steam”…and NOT reflective of any real pain/anguish on the baby’s part…nor any failing of mine, as a mother. The baby couldn’t TELL ME about her day, her stresses, her confusion, her questions, her frustrations….she couldn’t go take a run or wrestle with her brothers…all she could do was CRY. And she felt better afterwards. We did some mild form of CIO with that baby…and she did great, like Ilima’s baby (below). But our boys were different, and needed some more support, as Kelley did with her Ben.

So again: It comes down to individual differences, and trying different things with each baby, based on the needs of that baby….and of the whole household.

Not always an easy task, I know…but it comes down to being GOOD ENOUGH…..NOT PERFECT.

The “talking to your baby” thing sounds so simple at first, but it never occurs to many of us (myself included) until it’s suggested to us. We somehow think that it’s impossible a baby can understand these things…yet they do, at least SOME of it…and especially the TONE we use to convey our wants/needs/hopes/expectations. As Kelley found, it often works way better than we imagine it could….and of course, leads us to better communication overall with our kids.

I love it!

Also, I made sure she slept every night in her crib from day one. Yes, it was harder on us at the beginning, as we had to get up and go down the hall for feedings, and spend hours in the rocker in her room, but I think it was easier on both us and her in the end, since we never had to go through a big transition to the crib.

Thanks for a good post on this “holy grail” for parents — sleep!!

FWIW, it sounds like Ben might be a kid who needs to cry or fuss a bit to wind down. Some kids need to release a little tension before sleep, and some kids only wind themselves up when left to cry or fuss for a stretch of time. Knowing which kid you have helps tremendously when you’re trying to make a change like this.

I think the most amazing and important part of your experience is that you feel like you are communicating better with Ben and have a better relationship with him (and your hubby)! That makes such a difference. I hope Heather’s insight will lead you to keep communicating and interacting with Ben!

I haven’t seen that video. What does it suggest? What did you try that worked (or didn’t work)?

I daresay, though, that giving her solid food was maybe accidentally associated with her sleeping through the night. You got lucky!

I bet there is a chorus of other parents out there who desperately fed their babies early (like we did), only to see no change in sleeping habits.

Our third baby was up several times a night until he turned one. That was when we used the suggestions I made above to Kelley. I think some babies are developmentally ready to sleep through the night earlier (or later) than others. Our oldest didn’t do it regularly until she was 4! (eegads, it’s painful to remember those times!)

She slept through the night, all by herself in her crib, for the first time that night.

I say it’s because she saw the video :}