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I’ve always been fascinated by the interpretation of dreams, and I study the process in detail. I’ve also found it really interesting and helpful to understand my own dreams as I go through major life changes. Our dreams are our way of sorting through the events of the day and pulling out important issues we still need to understand. It’s our way of communicating with ourselves; it’s our unconscious, giving us hints about things that need further thought or action.

It’s really common to have particularly memorable and intense dreams during pregnancy. There are several contributing factors to this:

Frequent night wakings. I remember waking easily 3 or 4 times a night when pregnant. When you awaken just after dreaming, you are more likely to remember the dream.

The stress of the impending change in your life with a baby on the way. The stress of a major life transition is bound to result in more active dreams.

Hormonal and other physical changes. Your upset tummy, sore back and soaring progesterone all throw your body’s chemistry into a new time zone. Your dreams are disturbed as a result.

So how do you interpret those wacky dreams? The interpretation of pregnancy dreams follows the same general rules as the interpretation of other dreams: First and foremost, write them down, immediately after waking. Keep a pen and paper at your bedside and scribble down whatever you can remember. Even if you’re sure you’ll remember the details in the morning, chances are…you won’t. (Dreams are funny that way. We have to “chase” them if we want to understand them.)

Don’t judge the dream, no matter how wacky (or twisted) it was. Keep an open mind, which will allow the process of understanding the dream happen more easily.

After reading the dream again, start a new section of notes, where you will jot down any random associations to the dream. Include any impressions, images that come to mind, and feelings and thoughts, even if they don’t seem related to the dream. Also list the events of the day (or days) previous to the dream.

Finally, re-read everything to see what connections you make. Sometimes, you need to put the whole thing away for awhile, to let some of your objectivity return. Later, you might see new meanings and interesting relationships between your outer life…and your inner mind.

There are some common themes in pregnancy dreams, many of which my readers mentioned in the comments section to my previous post.

Dream Worries
Pregnant or not, we often dream about losing control in a situation. I think that’s what Dawn’s dream was about, at least partially; teeth falling out is a classic, frequent dream symbol for feeling powerless.

Worry About Not Being a Good Mother
Sharon, MamaBigDog, and Alianora’s dreams all had this in common. Having a baby is such a huge responsibility, and we wonder if we’re up to it. There also could be an element of wish fulfillment there; what if I just left my baby alone, while I did my own thing? (I could do my nails, date a fabulous movie star, etc.) We certainly wouldn’t do it in real life, so we act it out in our dreams. Then we’re shocked when we wake up…Oh My God! I’ll be such a Bad Mother (there’s a club for that)! When perhaps the reality is, there’s a part of us that resents the enormous responsibility and changes brought about by a baby, no matter how wanted the baby is. It’s a fundamental dilemma of motherhood: I want to give everything to my baby. But I also need some energy for myself. How can I get some of the focus back on ME?

Worry About Something Being Wrong With the Baby
Kimi, Sharon and Hot Wife had dream themes along these lines. This theme is really a variation on the one above. “If I’m going to be a Good Mother, I’d better produce a Good Baby.” Then…what if my baby is somehow different than I expect her to be? What if I’m disappointed at how my baby turns out? Or worse: What if there’s something "really wrong" with her? What if I give birth to a “defective” baby, and am therefore a “defective” mother? I can’t think of a pregnant woman who hasn’t had a dream like this one.

The worry about being a Good Enough Mother starts before the baby is even born, dear readers! The whole notion of the baby being an extension of ourselves starts when the baby really IS a part of us, physically. It’s normal to have mixed, ambivalent feelings about the baby, and your new role as mother. And if this isn’t your first baby, it’s normal to worry about the impact the new baby can have on your nice stable family situation at home. A new baby IS an intruder, no matter how wanted. Having ambivalent feelings about that fact is normal. More importantly, recognizing and accepting the mixed feelings we have about our babies…and our children…makes it possible for us to consciously own those feelings, so that we’re not blindsided by them, brewing in our unconscious. Understanding our
dreams helps us to do just that…ultimately, be better mothers…and happier women!

Miriam in Florida emailed me with some fascinating questions about dreams, whether her baby Griffin could be having them at night when he whimpers and cries in his sleep, and about her own dreams, when she was pregnant with him.

There’s a great article here if you want to read about infant dreams, and I like the Dr.
Greene site in general. So check that out. But before you go over there, finish
this post, because I need your help. I’m planning a series on Pregnancy Dreams,
and I need your submissions!

I’m fascinated by dreams, and there are some interesting commonalities among pregnancy dreams. They tend to be unusually vivid, action-packed, and bizarre. We tend to remember them better than at other times of our lives, too.

Miriam recalls, from one of her pregnancy dreams:

I’m boiling potatoes in a giant stock pot on the floor in the kitchen. There is no steam, but I know they’re boiling. I’m stirring them with a long-handled slotted-spoon. The water begins
to boil away and now I am sauteeing them in the same pot. My husband is trying
to get me to make some chicken, then says that we need to go burn the marshland
to get rid of the mosquitoes. I tell him we have to talk to the committee about
it.

Right off the bat, of course I’m thinking of “cooking the
potatoes” as a metaphor for pregnancy. But I need Miriam’s reflections and
associations to help better understand the rest of the meaning of the dream.
She included some of the background in her email to me, so when I compile the
series, I’ll be able to share some of my interpretations with you.

I hope you’ll dig up your pregnancy journals and submit some of your own dreams to me and I’ll include them with the series. It promises to be fun, interesting and illustrative of the powerful
experience of pregnancy!

Yesterday, I posted the first half of my conversation with
Kelley, Mom to 13-month-old Ben. Ben was making his parents crazy from lack of
sleep, and they were desperate enough to try anything.

I gave them some suggestions designed to send Ben a
clear, consistent message about sleeping through the night, in his own crib. Read
on to see what happened!

Dear Dr. Heather,

I am happy, so happy, to report that Ben is now sleeping
in his crib and more often than not, sleeping through the night! We still stay in his room until he falls
asleep, but he has accepted the crib and sleeping on his own. And once, he even fell asleep AFTER we left the room. 

Thanks so much for your advice. Although he still cries almost every night, it’s more of an
unwinding cry, not a distressing cry that I associate with the "cry it
out" method. Ben wakes up in a
good mood because I think he’s proud of himself for being such a big boy! My husband and I needed to get used to sharing
a bed, but it didn’t take long for us to feel like a married couple
again.

We
started by creating a game plan based on your suggestions.  Our first goal was to get him to go to sleep
in his current bed (mattress we placed on the floor of his room) without us
snuggling him. To do that, we started
by talking to him about going "night-night" by himself and how mommy
and daddy loved him very much and how proud we were of him. Then after his bath, we made a production
about saying "goodnight"
and my husband left the room while I stayed and sat at the end of his bed. When he got up to come to me, I placed him
back on his pillow and told him that I loved him and it was time to go "night-night."

It took
about 45 minutes, but he finally realized that I wasn’t going to snuggle him
and he focused on getting comfortable and eventually fell asleep. In the beginning, he woke up a couple of
times during the night and we had to snuggle him down once or twice. We did
that for about a week and then we re-introduced him to his crib by putting him
in during the day with some of his toys. That night, we did our same bedtime
routine, made a production with kisses and good nights and then I put him in
his crib and told him to go "night-night." Me or my husband leave the crib and lay down
on the bed in his room. He still sits
up and cries, but when we tell him to go "night-night" he immediately
lays down and stops crying while he rolls around trying to get
comfortable. We may do that a couple of
times, but the key is that he knows that we aren’t going to be picking him up. We
will soon start leaving the room while he is still awake, but we are so happy
with our situation now, that we will not force the issue.

Talking
to him about exactly what we were going to do was probably the most important
aspect of our plan (that, and following through with it). 

I never
would have thought that he would understand what I was saying to him. It’s actually funny to watch him throw
himself down in his crib when I tell him that it’s time to go night-night. He understands right away.
 
When he
wakes up in the mornings, we rush in to get him and tell him that we are so
proud of him for sleeping all by himself and how much we love him.

I swear
it’s changed our relationship because I’m communicating with him so much more
than I did before you suggested it.

We’re
all happier now and better able to handle the stubborn, independent behaviors
that he is starting to demonstrate.

He
really seems happier than before. Thanks
again for your guidance!

What has worked for you to get your baby to sleep through the night, in their own crib? Post a comment to share your ideas!