Here’s the list of the foods I can get him to eat (in no particular order): bread, butter (as long as it’s melted on toast and is no longer a solid), Cheerios, “orange coloured” fruit purees (eg. apple & peach or apple & apricot), “orange coloured” fromage frais (ie. apricot or peach flavour), plain fromage frais sweetend with maple syrup or cane sugar, raisins, certain savoury biscuits, certain sweet biscuits, certain cakes, and once in a very blue moon he’ll eat a banana or a bowl of “orange coloured” soup as long as there are no bits in it. And there you have it – no vegetables, no meat and virtually no fresh fruit – and we just passed the 1 year anniversary of the very last time he ate a “regular” main meal.

A regular dinner will be a slice of toast (crusts must be cut off and butter must be melted), a pot of “orange” fruit puree (can’t be any weird lumps in it) and a pot of fromage frais (“orange” or “white” please). We’ve tried absolutely every method to get him to eat a bit more normally, from leaving him to choose his foods to refusing to give him anything to eat but a regular meal, and we’re still where we were a year ago.

When he was weaned onto solids he’d eat practically anything and then started to refuse his main meal little by little at around 15 months. Before we knew it, he wasn’t eating anything but the things I’ve listed above. He seems perfectly healthy, even though there’s always the worry of a vitamin deficiency developing. But I think the worst part is he’s starting school in the fall (in France they start them VERY young), and I’m worried that he’ll just end up not eating at lunchtime because he’ll be served what all the others are served and there’ll be no other options for him.

I know that there’s no miracle solution out there, but it’d sure be nice to read about anyone who’s been through the same thing and has actually stayed sane!!

Is it worth it to get him to try? He refuses food based on what it looks like, but is the taste worth it if he’s crying and capitulating because we’ve told him he won’t get dessert?

GAH!!!

There are always going to be choices in life. I think what is good is to find the balance. Tell your child that you are serving dinner, and if they don’t want it, they can either not eat or have one other choice (that is healthy). If they don’t eat, then there are no treats later, etc. That way, they still have a choice but they get a good message.

Also, I think it’s important to inspire in them a love for WHAT their bodies do, not HOW they look. Yes, being healthy is important, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you are model-thin or “perfect.” You can be overweight and still healthy and strong. I want to instill in B the idea that her body is an amazing organism (I won’t use that word) that needs care, feeding, and love. That her body wakes up every morning and does amazing things for her like breathing, moving, thinking, resting, playing, and that means she needs to take care of it and respect it. Maybe then it won’t be about how she looks, but how she feels and how she treats her body that stays with her.

But, I digress to Dr. Heather! I’d love to have an entire discussion just on this topic!

What’s most important here is the EMOTIONAL MESSAGE that our kids get from us about food. Is it a relaxed experience, where we can connect with friends and family? Or is it a stressful, intense, difficult thing?

It’s also important that we model for our kids how to ENJOY TREATS appropriately. Having a special treat on a special occasion should be one of life’s pleasures. But we can model how best to do that. Do we eat one piece of cake…or the whole thing? Do we savor each bite slowly, as we’re also enjoying the time with others at the table, or do we wolf down the whole thing without thinking?

Our kids’ body image is largely determined in these early years. Their experience with food should of course have limits…but the kids who have limits that are too restrictive are the ones who are sneaking off to the neighbor’s house to raid the cookies. Obviously, we need to set some reasonable limits, and encourage healthy eating through our own behavior. We need to strike the balance.

Thanks. We are enjoying what will likely be the last baby of the family, clamoring in to join us at the table!

When I was a kid, I would eat just about anything except raw tomatoes. Yet my mom would make me sit at the table for hours to force me to eat them. I would argue, I’ve eaten everything else, for crying out loud- what’s so special about these damn tomatoes? I won’t eat them raw to this day. My kids each have a thing or two like that, and it’s OK by me. They’ll eat just about anything else.

These days, we’re lucky if we’re all home to eat together twice a week. I miss those days when they were small…

Being conscious of the issue is certainly the most important step. I also think it’s an interesting opportunity, when we have kids, to RE-VISIT our own issues. We have an opportunity to re-work things that still could use some adjustments. I haven’t always been the most healthy eater either, and thinking of providing my kids with a more healthy food situation helps to push ME in a better direction, too.

Yeah, overall I would say that we need to detatch ourselves from our kids’ eating. We can model healthy eating, a healthy enjoyment of food, and eating in moderation. We can offer and supply healthy options, and show them how to splurge when it’s appropriate.

If they CHOOSE not to eat out of some reaction to someone or something else, I would stay out of it. Giving it attention would likely fuel the fire.

I will be using this blog post as a touchstone, I think. It succinctly reflects so much that I have read and trust on this topic. Thanks, Dr. Heather!