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BabyShrink’s Baby Needs Minor Surgery, and Dr. Heather Needs a Little Reassurance
First of all, I want to thank you all for hanging in there with me while I get the feed worked out for BabyShrink. Before I started this site, I thought “feed” was simply the activity in which I engaged, oh, 17 or 18 times a day. (My boys, especially, eat….a LOT.) But thanks to the Other Heather at OhMyStinkinHeck.com, it’s all good now! Heather, I really appreciate your responsiveness and expertise.
Second, some of you have noticed that my posting has been a little less frequent. After our trip, I intended to jump back in with lots of new stuff. But here’s what happened: A few nights ago, Baby TT was jumping around naked after his bath, as he is wont to do. He got into some kind of toddler freak-out about something, and Mr. Dr. BabyShrink noticed a strange little bulge in TT’s groin area. It only popped out when TT was screaming, then went back in.
We both knew it had to be a hernia. The pediatrician confirmed our suspicions, and he’s scheduled for surgery August 19 at Kapiolani, which is a children’s hospital in Honolulu.
Everyone is very reassuring about the procedure. “It’s the bread and butter of the pediatric surgeon. They do it all day, every day.”, “It’s not considered deeply invasive, and he’ll jump right back immediately.”, “It will be over before you know it.”, “You’re lucky it’s not something serious.”
Of course all of this makes sense to my logical mind. It truly is not a big deal, and we are so grateful for the good health of our three kids.
But my Mother’s Fears are going crazy. How can I surrender my BABY up to the the doctors and nurses who will strap him down, drug him, and cut him open? How can I hand him over to total strangers to fix something that doesn’t even bother him? What if…What if….What if….
To complicate matters, we have a family history of malignant hyperthermia, which apparently makes the anesthesia more complicated. It should be safe, since they know in advance about what drugs to avoid giving TT. But it still makes me damn nervous.
Lately I’ve gotten questions from many of you who have children with chronic health conditions. I’ve thought a lot about the impact of health issues on our relationships with our families, and on our parenting. And of course it’s easier to answer questions that OTHERS have. I’ll be posting some of those letters soon.
But first, I want to hear back from YOU: those of you who have gone through procedures like this with their children.
What was it like? What can I expect? How did you cope with the anxiety and fears? Were there any lasting impacts on your parenting? How did you explain to your little one what was about to happen? What about siblings; what did you say to them?
Thanks in advance for your ideas and support. You’ll be helping me — and a lot of other families out there who are going through the same process.
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to “BabyShrink’s Baby Needs Minor Surgery, and Dr. Heather Needs a Little Reassurance”
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- Aug 20, 2008: babyshrink.com » Blog Archive » BabyShrink: What I Learned From My Baby’s Surgery Yesterday
Gah! Heather I can’t even imagine how stressful this must be for you. I wish I knew anything about this stuff so I could offer up something…anything…beyond “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
I’m sure it’ll be fine.
I’m so sorry to hear this. My son has had eight surgeries (five under general anesthesia). Five eye surgeries, ear tubes, heart surgery, and tonsils and adenoids (which was the worst of them ALL by FAR)…that was the only one where he ended up in the ICU.
I’m not going to lie to you…it’s going to suck. Especially handing him over for the surgery itself. But, he will be okay. You have to trust the doctors, Doctor.
You won’t believe how quickly he’ll bounce back! It absolutely amazes us each time we go through it. And, it makes us feel better knowing that he does, because he need two more open heart surgeries.
As for the stuff no one ever told me…schedule the earliest morning surgery slot you can get, so he’s not starving. Get books from the library about going to the hospital. Explain the IV as best you can (and if they’ll be using a mask to put him under, then practice at home with a surgical mask…telling him to take deep breaths). Ask if you can be with him in the OR until he’s under. Let him take something special to the hospital with him, and buy him something great afterward! This is why we now have the largest Thomas collection in the world!
Good luck. Hang in there!
DD#1 had a hernia operation when she was 9 months old. It is no big deal. I did sleep on a chair at the hospital and only left her side when dh replaced me briefly so I could take a shower, but it wasn’t a big deal. I was worried of course, being my baby and all, but it was fast and she has a tiny tiny scar which is now barely visible.
Expect to have a minor freakout when they are wheeling him into the operating room, and if dh is less of a worrywart (as it is for us) let him stay in the OR and hold the baby’s hand until he falls asleep, at which point he’ll have to leave. But it’ll be fine. It’s a minor operation. The only way to relieve stress a bit that I can think of: find something to distract you while he’s in the OR. And bring a book to read when he gets back to the room, until he wakes up. You’ll see, it will be fine. I don’t know you, but I hope you’ll accept this cyber-hug!
Yuck! Poor little thing but my sympathies are all for the worried mom.
As a parent, I havent had to go through any major medical issues. But I do volunteer/social work with Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta (Aflac Cancer Center) and see at least 20 kids go in for SERIOUS surgeries everyday. In my five years, they’ve never lost one to anesthetic complications. If that makes you feel any better…
Momo Fali had was definitely right about the 1st slot of the day though! Pull whatever strings/connections you have to make that happen!!! A hungry toddler and stressed mom do not make for a fun day waiting around…
I’m not personally familiar with Kapiolani, but if it’s a children’s hospital, they usually have lots of ways to ease the stess for the little ones. Ours offers pre-surgery popsicles (water frozen into fun shapes) as an alternative to ice.
Awww! I hate stuff like this because it’s almost harder on the mom than the kid! The only experience I have is when B got her ear tubes (3 times). Each time I was more relaxed, but it still was tough to let her go. I agree with Momo Fali, it will amaze you how fast TT bounces back. As we always tell our kids, “The anticipation is much worse than the actual event.”
I think as long as you know exactly what’s going to happen (most pediatric docs and nurses are VERY good at telling you this), you will feel better. But nothing will match getting your little guy back in your arms. Even little surgeries are scary for the people in the waiting room!
Keep remember, the docs know what they are doing, TT is very healthy otherwise, and it’s a quick procedure. Maybe you could have a little mantra in your head about TT being calm and healthy throughout the procedure and then waking up fine and healing quickly… putting good karma out there is ALWAYS a good way to get it back!
We’re here for you!
all three of our triplets had inguinal hernia repair when they were infants. the good thing is that the older the baby, the easier the surgery (i was told the tissue in infants is like sewing wet tissue paper). the surgery itself did not take long and they didn’t seem to be in much pain when they woke them up. prior to surgery, they often give them the “kiddie cocktail” of versed and tylenol which makes them act hilariously drunk so they won’t panic as they are taken to the OR. after surgery, some kids scream and cry as they come out of sedation but they don’t tend to remember after they are fully awake. good nurses will give them strong pain meds. as they come out of it to stay on top of any pain. kids are so resilient that even after major surgeries, my kids didn’t need much pain medicine after the first day. good luck to your little one and feel free to email me if you have any other questions. oh, by the way, the scarring is minimal and right at the “bikini line”. you can hardly see our kids’ scars now (almost three yrs later).
Ds3 had hernia surgery at 2 then had a kidney transplant at 8. He is now 13.
His dad took him to Wichita for the hernia surgery & they returned the same day.
His dad gave him his left kidney & they took out his kidneys then he stayed at Children’s Mercy H in KC for over 2 weeks cause he had a seizure. He was also given a blood transfusion from a stranger, which I wasn’t happy about since they didn’t inform us a head of time so we could donate.
It’s a mother’s prerogative to worry.
I’m not sure how old TT is, but my daughter had ear tubes put in a few weeks ago, and we really benefitted from some role playing. She is 3 1/2. I used to work in a vet clinic, so a friend of mine stole some surg masks, caps and gloves and even let me borrow an anesthesia mask. We played doctor for a few days ahead of time. She loved playing doctor and was totally OK with everything that happened once we got to the hospital. For me, it was better to not have my hubby there, because I knew he would raise the anxiety level. Our goodbye on the gurney was short and sweet, which I think is for the best, neither one of us had time to get worked up. One kiss and I walked out and didn’t look back. I’m sure you know, the calmer you are, the calmer he will be. Good luck, and you will both do great.
I know exactly how scary this is. I’m not going to tell you it will be easy when they roll your baby away in one of those giant metal cribs (they look remarkably like cages to me). You will be completely stressed, and it will feel like the longest day of your life. I know, because my oldest has been through surgery twice, and it’s not something you ever get used to.
When my oldest was a mere 10 months old, she underwent eye muscle surgery to correct her crossed eyes. The surgery took longer than it was supposed to and I was a wreck. It all came out well in the end, and she recovered beautifully. The staff was great, and I was really glad to be at a hospital that specialized in pediatrics.
She had her second eye surgery at the age of 8, and was such a trooper. Never cried when they drew blood for testing, when they put in the IV. She hates to show when she’s nervous about anything, so I wind up watching for a million other signs of stress instead. Hopefully your little guy will be less cryptic. That surgery also came out well, and she recovered just fine. It was still scary.
Heck, she just had her wisdom teeth out this spring, and I was scared about that. Just have your support people with you, and remember that if you get freaked out, it’s likely he’ll get freaked out too. Our doctors and the hospital staff were always so great, it really made all the difference. Please keep us posted, and best wishes to all of you.
MBD
My oldest daughter had hernia surgery when she was 2.5 (2005) and it really was extremely minor (though we didn’t have the added fear of malignant hyperthermia).
We had to get up really early in the morning and bring her, fasting, to the hospital. We were allowed to be with her until she was asleep, and the procedure didn’t take an hour. She took maybe another hour to come out from under the general anaesthesia, and then we took her home.
Because my husband and I had gotten up so early (and of course barely slept the night before), we were exhausted when we got home. Our little patient, however, was FINE. Like, the whole thing was just a nice nap for her and she was raring to go the rest of the day. That actually turned out to be the worst part!
I understand that this very thing happens to little boys all the time, but that doesn’t help you when it is *your* little boy, I know.
I, myself, had a number of surgeries under general anesthesia as a child, and I agree with Momo Fali…the adenoidectomy was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. And, yes, I am including childbirth. What TT is going to go through will _relieve_ pain. It’s a good thing.
But, all that said, you are a mom. You are going to worry no matter what we all say, and we love ya for it. Still, you should know that we are all thinking of you and your family.
BPD:
Thanks. It really does help to have you all “here” to support us!
MOMO FALI:
You all have been through so much. I can’t even imagine what you have been through, and it helps me focus on the actual very slight risks that we face. Your suggestions about practicing in advance are very helpful. This is something that I would certainly KNOW to suggest to someone else, but since it’s ME, and OUR baby, my training goes out the window!
ELISA:
Thanks for the info, and for the cyber-hug! DH did decide to accompany us after all; we weren’t sure if he should stay home with the “big kids”, or travel with us to Honolulu. But he will be there with us, so that will help too!
LORIE D:
Wow, this is so helpful. Thank you! I told my DH about your work and experiences, and it’s all very reassuring. We actually did reschedule the surgery day so that he could be seen in an earlier slot. This kid is an eating machine. I could not IMAGINE keeping him away from food until 1:30 pm! So at least we got the 10 am slot; since we have to be at the hospital at 8, it should be more manageable.
KATIE KAT:
Again, something I would for sure recommend to someone else, but completely forget for me: the thing about thinking calm, healthy thoughts about a great outcome…sheesh. All this expensive training between me and DH, and it’s totally WASTED when it comes to us!
That’s why I’m so glad I have you all to remind me what I need to know. And I do feel SO supported by this incredible outpouring from you all!
KIMBLAHG:
WOW, triple surgeries…what a challenge to face, with THREE new babies!!
Your comments are very, very helpful, thank you! My sister had mentioned something about a “kiddie cocktail”, but it helps me to know that it’s Versed, which I looked up, and saw it’s on the “safe” list for us. It really helps to know he will be in la-la land by the time they take him from us…I think I’ll ask for a big dose MYSELF when he gets his!
I also was interested to read what you said about the tissue getting stronger as they get a bit older; I do feel fortunate that he is bigger and more sturdy when having to face this. The pediatrician said to be prepared for the fact that they may surgically explore BOTH sides, to make sure there’s not another hernia hiding. So I feel better knowing that he’s stronger in general.
I also appreciate knowing about the screaming when coming out of sedation; someone else mentioned that, and it helps to know that it’s usually not remembered by them, and to make sure they get pain meds.
Thanks again!
JACKIE W:
I can’t even imagine. So many of you go through these things. Did you get support in advance for it? I am curious to know, what was helpful? What would have been helpful, in retrospect?
KIMI:
Thanks for the reminder about being calm and upbeat. I know for sure TT will take his cues from us on that day. And I also appreciate the reminder about role play — DUH. All these things that I recommend to others completely ESCAPE me when I’m the one who’s stressed!
MBD:
You’re always there for me, and I so appreciate it! Thanks for telling your story. I am feeling so much better, hearing from everyone. I have to pace myself. With kids, there’s always something, I guess! I’ll just be so glad when it’s OVER.
MorahLaura:
It helps to know that I actually do have to plan for the REST of the day, since it’s possible he’ll be raring to go, as you say! After I recover from the major narcotics I hope to beg from the hospital (just kidding, psych licensing board), I will plan to hit the caffeine hard and try to have a fun day afterwards!
Dr. ATTITON:
I am thrilled at this outpouring of support from you all; it makes a tremendous difference. As always, I want you all to know that I’m just a Mom, here behind these shrinky credentials; there’s nothing magical or different about me. I’m just a worried Mom, trying to hold on to the logical side of things, when there is a health issue with my child.
Thanks again!
Well, my son went through major abdominal surgery at 4 months old. Try the following:
* Repeat to yourself that your baby is in good hands. He has anesthetists, nurses, Physician Assistants, and multiple surgeons in the surgery.
* Ask all the questions you like. The surgeon will ONLY ask questions regarding the surgical procedure itself though. The doctors/nurses will gladly answer all your questions regarding post-op, etc.
* Talk with your Pediatrician about it. He’ll be doing the follow-up to make sure the glue doesn’t react, etc. (my son didn’t have dermal stitches - they used a dermal glue. All his stitches were internal)
* To calm yourself: If you just can’t take it, do something to take your mind off the surgery. Go exercise in the gym. See a movie. **DO** something that will keep you occupied for the 2 hours or so for the surgery. If the surgery isn’t that long, remember that your son will need at least a couple of hours to come out of the anesthesia. I recommend seeing “Mamma Mia” if you haven’t seen it already. A good cheesy movie with bad singing is just the prescription for escaping the scary reality for 100 minutes. Then walk around the mall to get your nervous energy out - you won’t be able to sit anyway.
* Don’t waste your time trying to eat. You won’t be able to taste your food and it’ll just get stuck in your throat anyway. Try vodka instead to calm your nerves if all else fails.
* If your son will be staying the night in the hospital, prepare to stay with him. I stayed with my son for the 4 days he was in the PICU. I didn’t sleep, but I didn’t care either. I was on pure adrenalin, and the doctors and nurses were more than happy to have me there.
Good luck - the worst part is the part you have. My Aunt is a “medical miracle” and has spent half her life in hospitals. When my mom had to have brain surgery for a ruptured aneurysm, my Aunt confessed to me “it’s so much easier to be in the operating room than in the waiting room! Is it always this bad out here?” The answer is yes, it is.
Rachel
Rachel,
Thank you. I have had minor procedures myself, and you’re right. The waiting is the hardest part. Our little guy is so even-tempered, and his pain tolerance is incredible — but when I think of him knocked out from the anesthesia, my shoulders just tighten up. My mouth goes dry. (Hey, at least there’s this: it’s been great in the weight-loss department!)
I wish someone could make August 19 be DONE already! But everyone’s comments have been so helpful.
I’ll try to get some movies loaded onto my iPod next week for use in the waiting room (but first I’ve gotta figure the thing out!).
Hi Heather,
i came across your website because i was searching for hernia-related information on the net. my son is 23 months old and we found his testicles to be swollen 2 days ago. visited our PD today, who referred us to a PD/urological surgeon and he recommended surgery. the operation is also scheduled on aug 19 (how coincidental!). i can totally relate to how you are feeling, cos i’m also very nervous about the whole thing. the doc reassured us that it is very common and every 1 in 500 boys get it. of course, the immediate thought that leaped into my hubby & my mind when he said that was that we should be so lucky!
anyway, i just want to say All The Best to you & your son, and i hope both our surgeries will turn out well. Good Luck!
Hi Jessica,
We’ll be going through this together, then! Let us know how it goes when he’s done! I will too.