Now, having said all that, I will say that one of our household rules is that the TV is off at bedtime.

I really like your webisites. I recently started a link sharing community for parents, I was wondering if you would like to submit your link (or any other links you like) so that people who have joined the community can get to know your work?

This debate will always be a hot one, and I believe the only real answer is to say “All things in moderation.” (Which is what you DID say Heather!)

I was ALSO one of those judgmental pre-parents who imagined no drugs at delivery, nursing exclusively until one year or older, NO pacifiers or TV, 100% wholesome, organic home-made meals at all times, and lovely exclusively handmade nontoxic wood toys.

Then my first baby was born.

It took me quite a bit of angst (and help from my own therapist, who is an infant development specialist) to realize that I was making EVERYBODY crazy trying to be the “perfect parent”. My stress about it interfered with my sleep and my health. It was not optimal for the baby, my husband, or me.

Having a second baby fairly quickly also helped me calm down and get into the swing of being a “good enough” mom. And I started to see that simplistic directives about parenting had little (or nothing) to do with the development of each unique child.

All we can do is strive to provide a “good enough” foundation and environment for our kids; much like having a nicely composted and prepared soil for our garden. You don’t get to pick the types of seeds that are planted there….you don’t have a ton of control over the ultimate outcome…all you can do is provide a nurturing foundation….and let them grow!

You are exactly right — we need to be “well-informed and discriminating users of modern media”. So well-put. Simple edicts giving us black-and-white directives can’t possibly help us think through all the complexities we face as parents. It makes us second-guess our own best instincts about our kids, and THAT is way more damaging than watching a “good enough” TV show.

I was one of those Pre-parents who thought letting your kids watch TV was the epitome of lazy and bordered on child abuse. Having grown up without a television (frankly…that made me a bit weird…in case you haven’t noticed), I wouldnt have noticed if ours quit working for weeks.

I was going to be a perfect parent and I filled the house with books. And then…around 18mo when she was no longer content to play on her own or do whatever I wanted to do, she settled on her favorite book…and OMG!… All day long she’d request/demand “Read Mommy! Read Mommy! Again! Again! Mommy! Mommy! Book! Book!” I began to think I would never be able to move in my house again without her hanging off my leg.

Then one day while trying to get one measly load of laundry folded and after reading “Bunny & Me” for the eighteenth-hundred time – … I heard myself say “Wouldn’t you rather watch some TV?”

Since then, Dora has become my BEST FRIEND! Without her, we would be living in filth, with no clean clothes & I certainly wouldn’t get to read any blogs. My daughter is talking way above a 2yo level, has remarkable social skills and manners and still loves books & toys. That’s “Good Enough” for me!

So, thanks again for keeping us grounded!

Whatever.

My kids have consistently watched 1-3 shows per season on a regular basis since they were little- really little. We are all avid readers in our house, and eclectic in our music tastes. When they were small, they always had lots of toys and books, even though I was a struggling single mom for some of that time. Amazing things can be done with secondhand stuff for parents on a budget.

I’m really sick of the TV police telling me that my kid’s brains are nothing but oatmeal because they watched TV when they were small, and continue to watch today. I’d put either of my kids up against those naysayers in a debate on current events any day- they are well-informed and discriminating users of modern media. Too bad more people aren’t these days.

Excellent question. There does not seem to be a “scientific” answer out there, but as is often the case, the best thing is to use our parental instincts about OUR PARTICULAR BABY.

Experiment with different types and sound with your baby, and see how she reacts. Is feeding or sleep or activity level affected? Make note, and use what you find to help you get your answer. (Your baby may also change with time.)

Of course, the obvious: LOUD sounds are not good for tiny ears. But each baby is so different: Our second baby was very bothered by sound and general, (even music) and still is, at age 5. But our third can sleep through HUGE amounts of noise, and always could….he also loves music.

BPD:

Making you less crazy is worth it.

And you’re NOT horrible! Anyone who is curious about what goes on at a site called “BabyShrink” is, by definition, interested in the optimum development of their child. Right? And you know me….there is no “optimum” for the child unless there is “optimum” for the parents. (Or perhaps I should say there is no “Good Enough” for the child unless there is “Good Enough” for the parents!)

CRYSTAL:

Excellent points. YES, the simple fact that your baby and her Daddy will be bonding over a sports program will be priceless in and of itself. Watching the Olympics at our house was a perfect example of that: Jock Dad conveying his knowledge and enthusiasm for sports to the kids. I know they’ll always feel close to him through sports (among other things). How could I deny that to them….even the baby?

BUT….

My husband (her dad) can not wait for that first Sunday after she’s born to put her in her brand new Miami Dolphins onesie and see if all the lecturing he’s been giving my belly about the rules of football have somehow produced a superbaby who will come out of the womb rooting for the Dolphins complete with the fight song already memorized and known by heart.

Ok, I exaggerate, but the truth is that this is one of the things he is most excited about (that and teaching her Math) and I’m not going to burst his bubble and say there’s no way she’s going to watch tv until she’s two…you’ll just have to wait, Mister.

Let’s be real–she’ll fall asleep, he’ll yell at the tv, wake her up and she’ll start crying. At which point I will be called in to breastfeed/change/calm the baby.

But none of that changes what my husband believes deep in his heart, which is that he’s bonding with her over something special.

So yeah, she’ll get to watch some Sunday afternoon football before she’s two. She’ll probably also be treated to some Red Sox/Yankees games before then because, really…we’re going to watch them. And is it really the end of the world if I put on something now and then when she’s in the room?

My parenting instincts say no, especially since we also have a full bookcase of books, and have been reading to her since she was only 8 weeks old in utero and didn’t even have ears. We’re both college grads who, during our last move, had enough boxes of books that it accounted for 1/2 of all the boxes moved into the apartment.

I think it’s about balance. There’s a big difference between parking your kid in front of a tv and doing something else and having something on that causes you to interact and talk and explain things to the baby that they won’t understand for years, but that is still interaction.

Sorry…didn’t mean for this to become an entry by itself.