My advice: get the drugs. There’s no shame in having a drug in your system that helps regulate your hormone balance. Your body has just undergone the most massive transformation ever. It needs help to heal – in every way, shape and form. My best wishes to anyone who reads this!!!

There is some research to indicate what you and I already know by experience: When the delivery process is stressful and does not go as planned, it increases the chances of having some kind of depression/anxiety reaction later. Sort of like a post-traumatic stress thing. The disappointment and worry about having things go differently than planned…plus the worry about the baby’s health…it’s not all “balloons and teddy bears”, as we’d imagined and hoped.

I agree, you ARE a different person after becoming a Mom. One of the most difficult things about it is that you have no way of knowing exactly how it will impact you until you have that baby in your life. So advance preparation is only useful to a certain degree. It’s just one of those things in life that you can never really understand until it happens to you.

KATIE KAT:

Thank you for posting this. Your honesty, and the stories of other Moms here, will help all the lurkers out there who are searching for hope and help.

Your tip about getting a 5-hour stretch of sleep per night is actually rooted in science; did you know that? Getting a good stretch of sleep — between 4-5 hours at once, is actually way more restorative than say 6 hours, broken up into smaller chunks. Many of us have been forced to learn this lesson the hard way :} but it really bears keeping in mind. You feel MUCH more sane with a solid stretch of sleep each night. I advise new Moms to to any lengths possible to work out this arrangement with their partners.

I think your story about having a child later in life is also very relevant to many of BabyShrink’s readers. By the time we get successful in our profession, we get somewhat set in our ways, and feel used to being competent and organized in life. Then this tiny baby comes along and manages to single-handedly turn everything upside down; and make us feel INCOMPETENT, to boot. Certainly a recipe for stress, anxiety, and depression.

But as you and the other commenters are pointing out — you’ve made it to the other side! By reaching out and getting help — I hope that any reader out there who is suffering in silence feels encouraged to TAKE THOSE FIRST STEPS to getting help. It works!

I also felt lied to by family, friends, and even society in general! I thought as soon as I had my baby, I’d fall in love with her and all my doubts would disappear, but they didn’t. I had a very difficult delivery (emergency c-section) and didn’t get to hold her for over 8 hours after she was born. Because they had to put me under for the c-section, I felt disconnected and lost about how I felt. I thought it would subside with time, but it didn’t. The overwhelming feeling of resentment I had was horrible! I remember looking at her and saying “I wish you’d NEVER BEEN BORN!” My anger and frustration left me feeling like a failure, and that, along with hardly any sleep (she was colicky for over a year!) was a surfire path to PPD.

I think a lot of what made it hard for me was that I was older when I had my daughter (40), I’d been independent and self-sufficient until I married my husband at 37, and I was NOT the one that wanted a child. I knew how important it was for my husband, and I thought that would be enough for me to learn to love it. But my internal fears about having a child and what that would do to my OWN life and future with my new husband really ended up overpowering my sincere desire to make his dream come true.

In the end, I have come to understand my new role and truly, HONESTLY love being a mom. But it was only with the help of an adjustment to my meds, getting some part-time help so I could get out by myself, and eventually going back to work. I think one key to helping prevent PPD is knowing what YOU want. If you don’t think you want to stay at home, then DON’T! If you feel like having a baby will cause you to lose your identity as a working woman, a social person, or whatever else you identify with, then make plans BEFORE you have the baby to still allow those things in your life.

It will get better, but don’t just live on that platitude. TALK TO PEOPLE and use each and every outlet for help you can find. And one other HUGE key – no matter HOW you have to do it, FIND A WAY to get at least 5 consecutive hours of sleep a night (don’t laugh!). That makes more difference that you can possibly imagine.

Sorry this is so long! I just want moms out there to know it’s NOT always all perfect and blissful, and that’s okay! I would guess the majority of women do have at least a little PPD… it’s much more the norm than the exception. Don’t suffer in silence.

This is exactly the reason I chose PPD as my FIRST podcast topic: There are SO MANY MOMS out there who suffer needlessly and alone after they bring home that new baby. This is an essential message that needs to get out there.

I’m working on ways to get a larger audience for this, and I will keep you all posted on ways you can continue to help other readers who are suffering alone. YOUR voice — as Moms who have suffered (and come through to the other side) are at least as loud and important as my so-called “expert” voice.

This is such an important mission and I thank you for your continued support. And I also thank you for the many Moms who read your comments every day — but don’t have the confidence to post a comment themselves.

To you lurkers — we’re glad you’re here!

That’s exactly my point. First time moms are completely unprepared for what awaits them at home, once hubby goes back to work and everyone is gone, and it’s just you and the baby. Unless you’re from a family where you’ve been the oldest of seven kids, and dealing with babies is old hat, then you’re in for a surprise especially after those PPD-enhancing hormones kick in. You can’t understand why you’re so miserable, when clearly “everyone else” is simply blissful and serene in their perfect natural mother-sense, at one with the baby since he popped out.

Give me a break. Having babies is no picnic. It’s hard work, the hardest you’ll ever do, but also the most rewarding in the long run. And it’s a long run- like for a lifetime.

How about TeenShrink? Young AdultShrink? AgingParentShrink? MidLifeCrisisShrink? We could use some of Dr. Heather’s good common sense that we don’t have to be perfect in those stages too. Just good enough.

The thing that really made me mad, and continues to, is when moms tell first-time moms-to-be how “perfect” everything will be once the baby comes, how “natural” they’ll feel as a mother, and how they’ll just “love that baby like you’ve never loved anything in your whole life”. I’ll tell you, I felt lied to once I went through this, and later found out how many of those “spreading the sunshine” were all hiding their own PPD and could have actually helped by telling the truth for a change.

My best friend lives 600 miles away, and when I went to her baby shower, I told her the truth about how things might be. We’d known each other for 25 years, and knowing her history I knew what was coming. After her baby came, I called regularly to check in, and helped her through it as best I could from a distance. Months later, she told me how glad she was I’d told her the truth, unlike all those women at her shower who didn’t. That’s what friends are for.

You are doing a great thing for women and their partners. Being a new mom can be a frightening and lonely experience. Shine the light, my friend.