Comments on: Is “Attachment Parenting” Bad for the Child?

By: abc

abc — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 21:13:09 +0000

strict AP parenting can no doubt be bad for you child, unless your child is just naturally that good but let’s face it, most aren’t. and when I say strict I mean like you take every single thing you read in AP parenting books to heart and set yourself up for a major guilt trip if you break even one of the AP rules once, which I think some moms do do that lol. and that extreme feminist version of AP parenting, as in the dad is no allowed anywhere near the baby, or anyone else except the mom for that matter, ugh. need I explain what that kind of parenting would make a kid turn out? and to the stroller thing you mentioned in the post, whoever sets someone up for a guilt trip over that really needs to cut ya a break. plenty of reasons the kid can be in the stroller, babies I can imagine would get too big really quickly for those slings and a mom is not always going to want to carry her baby or she’s just tired, boo hoo. and toddler breastfeeding, not sure if I have a strong opinion about. not against it in general but if it’s making your kid too whiny and clingy and by the time they’re a toddler and still can’t sleep in their own bed, maybe consider weaning? not trying to tell anyone what to do, just my opinion, I mean obviously your kid still can’t sleep with you every night till they’re 12 right lol.

By: concerna

concerna — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 05:26:14 +0000

I am not an ap parent. My sister in law is. I realize that all children are different….but I believe that my niece suffers due to her mothers strict ap style. She can not be away from her mother for two minutes without becoming hysterical. She has never been apart from her mother since she was born 1 yr ago.My sister in law is so critical of everyone who does not share her beliefs.
My daughter is two and at one yr old she was way more advanced than my niece. My daughter is smart, confident and very happy to get in her own crib at night. I have never struggled once at bed or nap time.
I just dont see how keeping your child attatched to you at all times can make them more secure? Where are they getting the cinfidence that they need to go through life?

By: Diane Sam

Diane Sam — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:37:57 +0000

I think you kind of missed the boat on this answer. Frankly, I would have told the “concerned parent” to mind her own business regarding the breastfeeding. To equate breastfeeding a toddler with automatically producing a whiny, clingy child is not fair to breastfeeding. Whatever is going on with that child and her mom/family/clinginess is NOT RELATED to breastfeeding. Claiming that breastfeeding a toddler leads to dependency and clinginess is not fair and part of society’s misunderstanding and mis-information about the normalcy of extended breastfeeding.

Separate out AP (a parenting style/philosophy) and “extended” breastfeeding (a historically very normal and natural way of feeding/nurturing a child).

By: Dr. Heather

Dr. Heather — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:02:28 +0000

Hi WONDERING WILLA:

I’d hate to pathologize people I don’t know and haven’t evaluated, but I think it is reasonable to wonder where this intense need for closeness comes from, in the “strident AP” group. That, coupled with the critical prostelytizing is a pretty negative combination, if you ask me!

I do agree that there are many, many varieties of “normal AP”, as you put it — for some families, this just works well with their overall personalities and lifestyles. But the ones who criticize others for NOT doing it — that’s what upsets people.

By: WonderingWilla

WonderingWilla — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 13:45:51 +0000

Your observations about the ‘problem cases’ you see are very interesting. I wonder if your experience is that the people who cling so tightly to this philosophy come from disrupted backgrounds themselves. My experience of the strident types (and I really do mean the strident types, I definitely think that AP can appeal to normal people) is that they think that being AP is in opposition to their childhood which was marked by divorce, abuse, alcoholism, or other instability.

I remember looking into AP when I was pregnant on the recommendation of friends (normal AP types) and I concluded I didn’t need this stuff because I had a good model from my upbringing. Not saying it was 50s sitcom perfect but my parents were married 40 years, there wasn’t any substance abuse, I wasn’t spanked, strong focus on my education, three squares, etc. It just didn’t compute that zealous babywearing or family bedding was going to enhance what I already knew to be a pretty good way to do things.

By: babyshrink.com » Blog Archive » More discussion on the pros and cons of Attachment Parenting

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 08:01:05 +0000

[...] MORE OF DR. HEATHER’S THOUGHTS ON ATTACHMENT PARENTING, SEE THIS POST, AND THIS ONE TOO. IT’S BECOME A HEATED TOPIC! Tags: Attachment Parenting pros and [...]

By: babyshrink.com » Blog Archive » In Praise of Attachment Parenting (Sort Of)

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 00:58:36 +0000

[...] this week, I was feeling quite contrite about my last AP post — not because I have changed my opinion (I haven’t). But I realized that the AP parents [...]

By: Carrington

Carrington — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:38:38 +0000

Hi Dr. Heather! This is my first visit to your site- I found you through AllTop- and I really loved this post. I have a one year old little girl, and I can relate to this article a lot. When I was pregnant I started going to some of the natural parenting groups around. My Sister who has three kids had introduced me to the world of AP because she was one herself with all three. I saw what worked for her, and I am already naturally/alternative minded, so it seemed like a good fit for me and my family. When my daughter was born, I breastfed her, she slept in the bed with us, I wore her everywhere (and used a stroller!). However, my daughter faced many challenges- she was extremely colicky, and high needs. We did many things to help this, trying everything in the book. I ended up weaning her as a result of getting my milk tested from a doctor who believed that she might be getting high levels of different metals passed through the breast milk. I got my milk tested, and I did have high levels. With Autism in my family- I worried about this being a cause. It was extremely hard for me to wean her, she was very attached. From weaning her she couldn’t handle being next to me in bed because she wanted to nurse, so we transitioned her to a crib. She was six months old. As hard as it was, we are so happy we did it- she became an entirely different baby, she is happy, go with the flow, sleeps through the night, talking. All of my closest friends are part of the AP community and I didn’t want to tell them of my choice for fear of their judgements. As they found out they supported me. I still believe in the AP way in many ways, but I also believe that you have to look at your own child, and your own life and decide what is best. It bothers me the friends that I have that are so EXTREME about AP parenting, and then the friends I have that are EXTREME in the opposite way, and still think I’m weird when I wear her in the sling. I would say before all of this happened I was a little extreme in my AP beliefs, and I’ve changed since my daughter. I believe that parents are the authority in knowing what is best for their kids. What I would say to the “concerned” parent is this- stop judging because you have NO idea what number of things could be going on. Support them in finding out what that may be.
Oh- and as far as the family bed goes- again I think it works for some, and doesn’t work for others. We loved it (especially when she was really young and breastfeeding often- not having to get out of bed meant more sleep for me- so as far as mommy goes, it was best for me in the beginning) We actually miss it, and have tried to go back, but she just can’t sleep- she is so used to having her own space.

By: LorieD

LorieD — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 22:29:46 +0000

As always, wonderful advice!

I breastfed my daughter until she was 20mo – and you were a great help in getting her weaned – but that was because I was ready and not because of social pressures.

If it makes your reader feel any better, my daughter has hit a “whiny, clingly stage” at 26mo – 6 months after being fully weaned. A friend of mine who is big on breastfeeding actually made an offhand comment to me “maybe you weaned her too early”. She never seemed the preachy, judgemental type either!

I just shrugged and said mothering would be a lot more profitable if we were given psychic abilities at the time of pregnancy!

By: Momo Fali

Momo Fali — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 02:38:13 +0000

Dr. Heather, you are much braver than I. I am not touching this one with a ten-foot pole.