Older Kids and Bedwetting
January 23, 2009 by Dr. Heather
Filed under Depression, Older Kids
My most recent group of posts on Attachment Parenting have been fueled by a fire that caught me by surprise. And while I do obviously have some strong opinions to share on the subject, I’d like to get BabyShrink back to where I think we’d all rather be…right smack dab in the middle of a potty-training problem! So without further ado, here’s a case that was accidentally published to the March archive, but should have appeared here first:
Dear Dr. Heather,
I have a seven-year-old who has peed in his bed forever. I have tried numerous attempts to get him to stop, like waking him up to go, buying him a night lamp, etc. However, none of these have worked, and now I am thinking it might be psychological, or that maybe something is happening to him and I don’t know about it. Whenever I ask him why he wets his bed, his only answer is “I don’t know”. Can you help me? The medical doctors have ruled this out as "normal" and tell me that one day he will stop, but WHEN??? Thank you for your time.
In desperate need of help,
Gabby
Hi Gabby,
I know it’s hard, but bedwetting is common and fairly normal for a lot of kids this age, especially boys. There seems to be a genetic component, as well. It’s important to not get into shaming him or trying to control the wetting….you have to leave it up to him. He should wear big-kid size pullups and be responsible (or at least help with) changing sheets when necessary, but the motivation to be dry has to come from him. Leave him in the nighttime pullups until he’s dry consistently, so there’s no pressure or worry about it.
They have those “bell and pad” things that go off when the kid pees, but it seems like they only serve to wake up the rest of the household, EXCEPT the kid himself….since bedwetters usually sleep really deeply. In fact, some doctors think that bedwetters’ brains are a little different, in terms of their ability to transition between sleep and wakefulness. Bedwetters may simply not have developed the ability to awaken yet from sleep in order to go to the bathroom. This ability usually develops over time, though.
In later childhood, by about age 7, bedwetters may start to worry about what others think of them, and feel upset that they can’t control their bodies at night. Reassure these kids that you will help them to do what it takes to eventually gain nighttime control; help them restrict fluids after 6pm, make sure they empty their bladder right before bed, and limit nighttime sweets, which can have a dehydrating effect. Getting a little extra sleep at night, even as little as 30 minutes more, can help for some. You can also keep trying to awaken him a couple of hours after going to bed to have him empty his bladder. But this should only be done with the child’s cooperation and agreement. Let them know that you have faith in their bodies, and their ability to gain nighttime dryness when they are ready. And try to eliminate sources of shaming or ridicule. He’s doing the best he can, and shame only worsens the problem.
We worry more about trauma, a medical condition or psychological stuff when there is an abrupt change…as in, they USED to be dry, and NOW…it has suddenly changed. But if he has always more or less been wet at night, and if there are no other indications in his daytime life that things are amiss…well, then, it looks like you’re just gonna hafta be patient.
Of course, for something like this, you always need his pediatrician’s blessing that nothing else is wrong, but other than that, all I can do is assure you that it WILL stop.
Let us know when that happens, we’d like to hear how it goes!
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
Thanks so much for the link to the Dr. Greene article. It described my 4.5 yo daughter to a T. My husband or I often wake during the night to hear her wandering around the house. We quickly realized that if we took her by the hand and led her to the bathroom, she did her business and went right back to bed without realizing she’d been up. We’ve even not made it in time, cleaned her up, changed her clothes, and put her back to bed, all without her knowing she’d had an accident (until morning when she wanted to know why she had on different pjs). Glad to know we’ve been handling this newest parenting challenge in the least traumatic way possible.
I love the Dr. Greene site. There is a ton of good info there. He strikes a nice balance; he puts forward “alternative” suggestions that actually have evidence…yet stays firmly grounded in standard pediatric practice (in the articles I’ve read, at least).
I’m really fascinated by his suggestions about night terrors and bedwetting too, for anyone who’s interested …follow the link in my post and I think it’s referenced in that one.
Hello Dr Heather! I am going to send this to a friend of mine- I think this will help her- she has a 7 year old going through the same thing!!! Hope you are well!
I had a bedwetter at that age (not quite as bad as the letter writer’s, though). We used to semi-wake him at 11:00 PM to pee, and this helped him to stay dry, though the neurological maturation had to happen on its own. We did notice he tended to wet more when he was troubled by something, though.
It’s very important to get the ‘all clear’ from the pedi, as Dr. Heather mentioned, and especially if he also dribbles urine during the day. If the problem is developmental, he need not abstain from sleepovers – desmopressin (Minirin) pills are very effective and safe (the nasal spray was banned due to accidental overuse causing electrolyte disturbance, but this is not likely with a single pill).
Aw. My brother was a bedwetter, and it was really hard for him. But he grew up into a great person and a great father, and he makes tons of money programming computers. So take heart!
I think it’s important to make sure the siblings also are on board with the emotional support. Kids can be mean. I don’t think I was ever mean to my brother about the bedwetting, which is funny, since I was not the nicest sister about a lot of other stuff.
Just another reason why I love this site! It makes us realize our kids aren’t “different”.
My son will be seven in May and he still wets the bed sometimes. It’s not every night, like it was a year ago, but it’s a couple of times a week. He says he doesn’t know he needs to go, and I’m pretty sure he just sleeps right through it. I’m not pressing it. It’s not a big deal, other than paying for Pull-Ups. In the big scheme of things, this is the least of my worries!