How to Talk to Kids: A Great Book
July 10, 2009 by Dr. Heather
Filed under Book Reviews, Fears, Preschoolers
Our 6-year-old is in the throes of a really anxious phase. He often needs to be reassured about where we are, even if we’re all just in the house. He’s afraid to go to sleep at night. And he’s terrified of “ET”, a classic we allowed the babysitter to show the kids one night. You’d think my shrink-training would help in these situations, but often it doesn’t. You know how it goes: When it comes to your own kids, rational knowledge goes out the window.
Intellectually, I remind myself that 6-year-olds aren’t rational creatures yet. They can’t hang on to the logical reassurances we give them. They haven’t reached the stage where logic “sticks” in their minds. In many ways, they’re still like preschoolers; apt to live in the “magical world” of fantasy, imagination, and fears.
But when he’s scared out of his wits, part of me wants to scream, “Snap out of it! We’re not leaving you, we never have, and we never will! Enough, already, and go to sleep!”
So I’m calling in reinforcements. I’ve pulled an awesome book off my shelf and am reminded why I think this is one of the world’s best parenting guides. If you haven’t seen it, go spend 10 bucks on Amazon for the paperback version, or check it out of your library. You’ll refer to it again and again (and I promise, I get no “cut” from promoting anything here). It’s called “Between Parent and Child”, by Dr. Haim Ginott. It was first published a million years ago, but it couldn’t be more appropriate today. His sensitivity and approach to dealing with children simply can’t be matched. Reading Ginott again has lifted a weight from my shoulders and reminded me that all will be well with our son, soon enough. It’s also given me lots of good ideas for how to approach this phase-specific anxiety he’s going through.
I hope you enjoy it!
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
ET scared the crap out of me when I was about that age and continues to scare me to this day!! I am clearly a wimp. Or a 6 year old trapped in the body of an adult.
Aloha Heather!
I’m very familiar with just the same thing. We were always so careful in the viewing choices for our first (and only child). Most of the time I thought I was far too protective, but I just went with it. There were many movies and themes I flat out avoided.
At 6 I still skipped the beginning of Finding Nemo because I “just knew” our son would conceptualize Nemo’s mothering dieing to himself and me or his dad.
We did have a similar situation as yours, when a teacher read his class the Ron Dahl book Witches. For him, at the time age 6, it affected him deeply, and took a good six months for him to rationally process the “story” without fear (and checking various peoples to confirm they had toes).
Today, looking back, I’m happy with my choice of holding back the introduction of various topics. Now he’s the grand old age of 8 and I can see he can now separate reality from story, and he’s a confident rational being. I still participate in heavy monitoring of viewing but I also think he also has a distinct awareness of what he wants to expose himself to and what he doesn’t.
Hope you are having a nice summer!
Happy I checking in today!
Trish
Thanks for this reminder – I had this book bookmarked on Amazon (maybe from another recc. by you?) but never ordered it – finally ordered it and am looking forward to reading it! I can’t tell you what a help this site is, and thank you so much for it! I don’t comment as much as I should, but I really appreciate all of your time and energy! And hope pg is treating you well this 4th go-round.
JoAnn