Comments on: Tips for When a Toddler Withholds His Poop http://babyshrink.com/2009/07/tips-for-when-a-toddler-withholds-his-poop.html Child and parent development by licensed psychologist, Dr. Heather. Thu, 10 May 2012 19:00:39 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Kelly http://babyshrink.com/2009/07/tips-for-when-a-toddler-withholds-his-poop.html/comment-page-2#comment-4664 Kelly Wed, 02 May 2012 13:36:37 +0000 http://babyshrink.com/?p=631#comment-4664 Dr. Heather- My son, Owen, is almost 4 (in August). What is so ironic about this post is that 1. I didn't see your reply until just now... almost 2 months later because 2. we had actually been successful with the 'poop' part of the potty training!!! And now, I find myself back into the deep-dark belly of the 'with-holding' beast. Per your suggestions to other parents, I just dropped the subject of pooping altogether. I said "ok, buddy... I'm never going to talk about pooping again. Just know that I love you, you are a big boy, and YOU are in charge of your poo-poos". And, honestly. that night he started pooping on the toilet!!! I cried tears of joy... did the "I'm so proud of you' song and dance and gave him his toy. Over the last 2 months we had worked from getting a toy (matchbox car) each time he pooped to earning a sticker each poop and a toy every 10 poops. He totally bought in--- until last week when I saw the "I'm not going to let this out" face and body clench. Now, he says he is scared and that he 'will try poopin' later... after daddy comes home from work'. But, it has been 3 days and he still hasn't gone. I'm at the end of my rope. He is still on the miralax, drinks water/juice combo (3 oz of juice + 7 oz of water) 2x per day and about 24oz (sometimes 30oz) of milk (almond- he is allergic to milk and soy). He has fruit at snack each day and then at home after school. We try to get him to eat a bowl of cheerios just to keep things moving. But, alas, I am here... again... up in the middle of the night... trying to figure out how to get my little buddy to poop. Thanks so much in advance! (I I promise to scroll all the way down the page to see your response this time!!!) Many mahalos :) -Kelly Dr. Heather-
My son, Owen, is almost 4 (in August). What is so ironic about this post is that 1. I didn’t see your reply until just now… almost 2 months later because 2. we had actually been successful with the ‘poop’ part of the potty training!!! And now, I find myself back into the deep-dark belly of the ‘with-holding’ beast. Per your suggestions to other parents, I just dropped the subject of pooping altogether. I said “ok, buddy… I’m never going to talk about pooping again. Just know that I love you, you are a big boy, and YOU are in charge of your poo-poos”. And, honestly. that night he started pooping on the toilet!!! I cried tears of joy… did the “I’m so proud of you’ song and dance and gave him his toy.
Over the last 2 months we had worked from getting a toy (matchbox car) each time he pooped to earning a sticker each poop and a toy every 10 poops. He totally bought in— until last week when I saw the “I’m not going to let this out” face and body clench. Now, he says he is scared and that he ‘will try poopin’ later… after daddy comes home from work’. But, it has been 3 days and he still hasn’t gone.
I’m at the end of my rope. He is still on the miralax, drinks water/juice combo (3 oz of juice + 7 oz of water) 2x per day and about 24oz (sometimes 30oz) of milk (almond- he is allergic to milk and soy). He has fruit at snack each day and then at home after school. We try to get him to eat a bowl of cheerios just to keep things moving.
But, alas, I am here… again… up in the middle of the night… trying to figure out how to get my little buddy to poop.
Thanks so much in advance! (I I promise to scroll all the way down the page to see your response this time!!!)
Many mahalos :)
-Kelly

]]> By: PKarin http://babyshrink.com/2009/07/tips-for-when-a-toddler-withholds-his-poop.html/comment-page-2#comment-4662 PKarin Thu, 19 Apr 2012 12:18:48 +0000 http://babyshrink.com/?p=631#comment-4662 Dear Heather, I am heartbroken as i read this. i got very angry at my 3y.o. child for having a poo accident in her knickers. This was 2 days ago. I got so angry that when i realised that she was upset i became so upset i began crying. i said sorry to her, and I tried to explain that i was wrong to be angry and that i was too tired (my 1 year old baby threw up that night and broke a glass...it wasn't a good night and my husband was travelling). But I have no excuse for such anger, i am ashamed. Anyway, she used to have a BM twice or even three times a day. Since i told her off (2 days ago) she has not had a BM. Today she had a small bit, but would not let me change her or even see the poo...she asked for her babysitter to do it. I think i might have made her scared of pooing. she still wears her knickers as she loves to wear them, but she is only peeing in the potty...no poo. I deeply regret having gotten so angry because i can see the huge stress i have caused her. i am very upset as i write this and the only thing that i would like to hear is that i haven't caused her a trauma for life...but maybe that is not possible. A very sad mum Dear Heather, I am heartbroken as i read this. i got very angry at my 3y.o. child for having a poo accident in her knickers. This was 2 days ago. I got so angry that when i realised that she was upset i became so upset i began crying. i said sorry to her, and I tried to explain that i was wrong to be angry and that i was too tired (my 1 year old baby threw up that night and broke a glass…it wasn’t a good night and my husband was travelling). But I have no excuse for such anger, i am ashamed.

Anyway, she used to have a BM twice or even three times a day. Since i told her off (2 days ago) she has not had a BM. Today she had a small bit, but would not let me change her or even see the poo…she asked for her babysitter to do it. I think i might have made her scared of pooing. she still wears her knickers as she loves to wear them, but she is only peeing in the potty…no poo. I deeply regret having gotten so angry because i can see the huge stress i have caused her. i am very upset as i write this and the only thing that i would like to hear is that i haven’t caused her a trauma for life…but maybe that is not possible.
A very sad mum

]]> By: Dr. Heather http://babyshrink.com/2009/07/tips-for-when-a-toddler-withholds-his-poop.html/comment-page-2#comment-4661 Dr. Heather Tue, 10 Apr 2012 04:25:39 +0000 http://babyshrink.com/?p=631#comment-4661 @Trista, @Ursula, and @Rasheeda: I'm so sorry you are having a tough time with this -- unfortunately common complication of potty training. All 3 of you have more complex issues that truly need medical support. I am happy to help via Parent Coaching as well. And please, all, remember that your little ones can't really explain to you WHY they are having these problems -- and they can't really understand your rationale. The combination approach I've described above -- having medical help getting them "cleaned out" -- in as non-threatening a way possible -- PLUS kind, gentle, slow steps forward -- with no pressure -- will help as well. Try to get second opinions until you find a physician who has a good way of approaching little ones with this problem. Keep us posted and let me know via email if you want some additional Coaching. Aloha! @Trista, @Ursula, and @Rasheeda:

I’m so sorry you are having a tough time with this — unfortunately common complication of potty training. All 3 of you have more complex issues that truly need medical support. I am happy to help via Parent Coaching as well.

And please, all, remember that your little ones can’t really explain to you WHY they are having these problems — and they can’t really understand your rationale. The combination approach I’ve described above — having medical help getting them “cleaned out” — in as non-threatening a way possible — PLUS kind, gentle, slow steps forward — with no pressure — will help as well. Try to get second opinions until you find a physician who has a good way of approaching little ones with this problem. Keep us posted and let me know via email if you want some additional Coaching. Aloha!

]]> By: Rasheeda http://babyshrink.com/2009/07/tips-for-when-a-toddler-withholds-his-poop.html/comment-page-2#comment-4660 Rasheeda Tue, 10 Apr 2012 04:08:23 +0000 http://babyshrink.com/?p=631#comment-4660 Hi Dr Heather, I'm desperate for ANY advice you can give. My son is three years old and has been have complications with passing his stool from a early age. Once he was about one he had became traumatized and refused to go poop. The Dr (overseas) prescribed him latulose and it worked GREAT! Now, we have been back in the US for almost two years. The drs refuse to give me latulose and say keep using the miralax. The problem is he cries still every time he goes. He holds it sometimes for four days. He's now getting potty trained. At first he was still scared but he'll go. But now when he goes as usual it's a hassle. It likes coaching a woman give birth. He has accidents in his underwear, clinches his buttocks, paste back and forth, rock back and forth..etc..just to keep from going. When he does go, its not hard. Sometimes its slush or like a snake and it's A LOT! However, these last few weeks have been ruff. He's been doing more then just streaks. I'm talking more like a small bowel movement. I've EVERYTHING I know how. From rewards with treats, toys or being forceful. I feel like I'm failing my child because I just don't know what to do. When I ask him why won't he go, he replies because the Poo Poo is going to hurt me. I refuse to take him back to the ER. He's had a finger up his rectum, enema, and I've given him a suppository. Now, I don't give him anything, but the Miralax. He's terrified of any and everything that goes near his rectum. He just now started trusting me again with cleaning him, because he thinks I'm going to give him a suppository. Sometimes, I think he's being lazy and stubborn, but when I see him on th e potty crying from FEAR, it just breaks my heart into a million of pieces. What do I do? Now, also he's a child who had severe persistent asthma. This past year has been ruff. Ambulance rides and a hospital stay. Since then he's starting chewing the inside of his mouth and rubbing his ears more. I think I'm stressing him out. Hi Dr Heather,

I’m desperate for ANY advice you can give. My son is three years old and has been have complications with passing his stool from a early age. Once he was about one he had became traumatized and refused to go poop. The Dr (overseas) prescribed him latulose and it worked GREAT! Now, we have been back in the US for almost two years. The drs refuse to give me latulose and say keep using the miralax. The problem is he cries still every time he goes. He holds it sometimes for four days. He’s now getting potty trained. At first he was still scared but he’ll go. But now when he goes as usual it’s a hassle. It likes coaching a woman give birth. He has accidents in his underwear, clinches his buttocks, paste back and forth, rock back and forth..etc..just to keep from going. When he does go, its not hard. Sometimes its slush or like a snake and it’s A LOT! However, these last few weeks have been ruff. He’s been doing more then just streaks. I’m talking more like a small bowel movement. I’ve EVERYTHING I know how. From rewards with treats, toys or being forceful. I feel like I’m failing my child because I just don’t know what to do. When I ask him why won’t he go, he replies because the Poo Poo is going to hurt me. I refuse to take him back to the ER. He’s had a finger up his rectum, enema, and I’ve given him a suppository. Now, I don’t give him anything, but the Miralax. He’s terrified of any and everything that goes near his rectum. He just now started trusting me again with cleaning him, because he thinks I’m going to give him a suppository. Sometimes, I think he’s being lazy and stubborn, but when I see him on th e potty crying from FEAR, it just breaks my heart into a million of pieces. What do I do? Now, also he’s a child who had severe persistent asthma. This past year has been ruff. Ambulance rides and a hospital stay. Since then he’s starting chewing the inside of his mouth and rubbing his ears more. I think I’m stressing him out.

]]> By: Ursula http://babyshrink.com/2009/07/tips-for-when-a-toddler-withholds-his-poop.html/comment-page-2#comment-4656 Ursula Fri, 30 Mar 2012 03:22:42 +0000 http://babyshrink.com/?p=631#comment-4656 Dr Heather, I have a 4 year old boy who has been holding in his stool for almost a year now. We have tried everything including Miralax. We talked to his peditricain about it he says to keep giving the Miralax. We have been giving liquid suppositories once or twice a week but he can even hold back from them now. I have no idea what to do at this point. His father is always telling him to push it out and that irritates the little guy even more. He is starting throw up and gag at the slightest stimuli. I am an ICU RN and used to stress but a year of this is starting to take me over the edge. What can I do? Dr Heather,
I have a 4 year old boy who has been holding in his stool for almost a year now. We have tried everything including Miralax. We talked to his peditricain about it he says to keep giving the Miralax. We have been giving liquid suppositories once or twice a week but he can even hold back from them now. I have no idea what to do at this point. His father is always telling him to push it out and that irritates the little guy even more. He is starting throw up and gag at the slightest stimuli. I am an ICU RN and used to stress but a year of this is starting to take me over the edge. What can I do?

]]> By: trista http://babyshrink.com/2009/07/tips-for-when-a-toddler-withholds-his-poop.html/comment-page-1#comment-4655 trista Fri, 30 Mar 2012 02:54:17 +0000 http://babyshrink.com/?p=631#comment-4655 my son 2years,5months he has had a poo issues since he was switch over to cows milk. i am reading but i just don't understand how he could be holding it back. he says i poop mommy i poop and he will poop no problem he is on restoralax everyday but every now and then he will hold it in and scream loud his butt will be raw and sensitive. one min its clean and fine the next he has a horrible looking butt that is raw and sensitive and looks bused, this is all real close to the hole how is it that this can all happen with in one hour?. he had dire-aha and next min the same thing happen and when it dose end up coming out its something i don't think i would want to push out my self and real hard too . now the doctors tell me he is holding it in and to keep him on restoralax (even know the bottle says not for every day usage hard on belly ) every day and keep him so he is not so backed up, but how is he backed up if he goes every day some times 3 per day ? and why dose his butt get sore so fast ???(after he poops the hard one the butt goes back to normal not sore or brused) my son 2years,5months he has had a poo issues since he was switch over to cows milk. i am reading but i just don’t understand how he could be holding it back. he says i poop mommy i poop and he will poop no problem he is on restoralax everyday but every now and then he will hold it in and scream loud his butt will be raw and sensitive. one min its clean and fine the next he has a horrible looking butt that is raw and sensitive and looks bused, this is all real close to the hole how is it that this can all happen with in one hour?. he had dire-aha and next min the same thing happen and when it dose end up coming out its something i don’t think i would want to push out my self and real hard too . now the doctors tell me he is holding it in and to keep him on restoralax (even know the bottle says not for every day usage hard on belly ) every day and keep him so he is not so backed up, but how is he backed up if he goes every day some times 3 per day ? and why dose his butt get sore so fast ???(after he poops the hard one the butt goes back to normal not sore or brused)

]]> By: Dr. Heather http://babyshrink.com/2009/07/tips-for-when-a-toddler-withholds-his-poop.html/comment-page-1#comment-4649 Dr. Heather Tue, 13 Mar 2012 04:56:23 +0000 http://babyshrink.com/?p=631#comment-4649 Kelly: How old is your little guy? That will help me give you some ideas. Kelly:

How old is your little guy? That will help me give you some ideas.

]]> By: Kelly http://babyshrink.com/2009/07/tips-for-when-a-toddler-withholds-his-poop.html/comment-page-1#comment-4648 Kelly Mon, 12 Mar 2012 23:41:03 +0000 http://babyshrink.com/?p=631#comment-4648 Aloha Dr. Heather! First, thank you so much for this article! I have been struggling with the 'poop part' of potty training for 9 months now; and I have to admit, I am at the end of my rope. My son, O, has been potty trained (pee) since August, when he initiated it. We went rouge: naked for 1 full week (living in Hawaii helped) and by day 3 we had no accidents and made it through an adventure to the park without a single drop leaking out. Fast forward to now: I have a little boy who withholds but sometimes poops on the toilet. I know that he is scared that his poop will hurt- he had some serious constipation during the summer because of change in diet (weening of rice milk because of arsenic poisoning). And will say "I don't want the poop-poo to be an ouch". I have done everything I can think of: he is on a 1/2 teaspoon of Miralax to keep with 'squishy', we took a month long hiatus from poop-training, We just let him poop wherever. I created a sticker chart, which involved him earning a sticker each time he tried to poop, 4 times a day, and then he could earn a toy when he pooped on the toilet. I have tried to take all emotion out of the 'underwear smear' while cleaning up, and usually just say: "Ok... let me wipe your bum". I have bought him his own toilet that he picked out so he could feel like he owned the poop-part of his potty training. But none of these seem to work- he just won't poop consistently/regularly on the toilet. Honestly, I don't know what to do. When he poops on the toilet he so excited, so I match his excitement- dancing around, clapping and hugging... and then give him his toy (usually a matchbox car). But, there is no consistency with the pooping. He constantly has little poops in his underwear and I think it is because he just can't hold it in anymore. Please help! Thank you (mahalo!!) so much! -Kelly Aloha Dr. Heather!
First, thank you so much for this article! I have been struggling with the ‘poop part’ of potty training for 9 months now; and I have to admit, I am at the end of my rope. My son, O, has been potty trained (pee) since August, when he initiated it. We went rouge: naked for 1 full week (living in Hawaii helped) and by day 3 we had no accidents and made it through an adventure to the park without a single drop leaking out. Fast forward to now: I have a little boy who withholds but sometimes poops on the toilet. I know that he is scared that his poop will hurt- he had some serious constipation during the summer because of change in diet (weening of rice milk because of arsenic poisoning). And will say “I don’t want the poop-poo to be an ouch”.

I have done everything I can think of: he is on a 1/2 teaspoon of Miralax to keep with ‘squishy’, we took a month long hiatus from poop-training, We just let him poop wherever. I created a sticker chart, which involved him earning a sticker each time he tried to poop, 4 times a day, and then he could earn a toy when he pooped on the toilet. I have tried to take all emotion out of the ‘underwear smear’ while cleaning up, and usually just say: “Ok… let me wipe your bum”. I have bought him his own toilet that he picked out so he could feel like he owned the poop-part of his potty training. But none of these seem to work- he just won’t poop consistently/regularly on the toilet.

Honestly, I don’t know what to do. When he poops on the toilet he so excited, so I match his excitement- dancing around, clapping and hugging… and then give him his toy (usually a matchbox car). But, there is no consistency with the pooping. He constantly has little poops in his underwear and I think it is because he just can’t hold it in anymore.
Please help!
Thank you (mahalo!!) so much!
-Kelly

]]> By: Jamie http://babyshrink.com/2009/07/tips-for-when-a-toddler-withholds-his-poop.html/comment-page-1#comment-4641 Jamie Thu, 23 Feb 2012 23:50:46 +0000 http://babyshrink.com/?p=631#comment-4641 Hi- update on my daughter. I posted in January & did end up just putting the diaper back on. We still use the potty for pee although she will go in the diaper too if she feels like it and the poop withholding has totally resolved itself. She goes in her diaper when she feels the urge, just like she used to with no problem at all. I think putting the diaper back on was the right choice, even if it is delaying our potty training. Hope this helps. Btw my daughter is 2 yrs 8 months. Hi- update on my daughter. I posted in January & did end up just putting the diaper back on. We still use the potty for pee although she will go in the diaper too if she feels like it and the poop withholding has totally resolved itself. She goes in her diaper when she feels the urge, just like she used to with no problem at all. I think putting the diaper back on was the right choice, even if it is delaying our potty training. Hope this helps. Btw my daughter is 2 yrs 8 months.

]]> By: gabi http://babyshrink.com/2009/07/tips-for-when-a-toddler-withholds-his-poop.html/comment-page-1#comment-4634 gabi Mon, 20 Feb 2012 12:00:42 +0000 http://babyshrink.com/?p=631#comment-4634 and should i give him laxative when i put back on his nappy for the 2 weeks? and should i give him laxative when i put back on his nappy for the 2 weeks?

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