Comments on: How to Handle Aggression in Your Young Child

By: LeAndMatt

LeAndMatt — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 19:47:52 +0000

Great article. Thank you for making me feel like some of my 4.5 year old son’s behavior is ‘normal’. My question is – at what point should you be concerned? Our son has a quick reaction (impulsive) to someone teasing, hitting (accidental or purposeful), etc. that is aggressive in nature. He also has ‘unprovoked’ aggressive behavior (randomly hit, kick, poke, or push a child) for no reason. He knows what he has done because as soon as it happens you can see him get upset as he recognizes what he has done and that it is wrong. We have removed TV and movies (especially shows that include aggressive behavior), removed ‘imaginary play’ roles that involve play fighting, swords, super heros, etc. If you ask him after he is caught doing something wrong what he should have done, he will tell you he should have walked away or asked the child to stop, or kept his hands to himself.

Any suggestions….

By: babyshrink.com » Blog Archive » What To Do When Your Baby Bites You — A Pint Sized Parenting Tip

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 03:11:51 +0000

[...] interested (or just plain sore from those sharp little teeth digging into your skin), go ahead and check out this post after you read this one for some more insight into the [...]

By: Dr. Heather

Dr. Heather — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 00:21:03 +0000

Danielle ~

Glad it helped! Yeah, controlling our own aggressive reactions is not always easy, I can sure relate! But modeling a better way of handling our aggression and frustration is really the key. Sometimes it helps me to simply remember how small a toddler is, compared to me — I also giggle every time I remember how my pediatrician handles it when one of our babies screams and hollers about some aspect of an examination — “You don’t scare me!” he teases them, with a smile. I try to think the same thing when one of mine is having a tantrum. For some reason, this helps me keep it all in perspective.

By: Danielle Bothwell

Danielle Bothwell — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 22:09:05 +0000

Thank you for this post, so informative! I have a three year old boy and a 6 mo old girl, WHAT a difference in behaviours! My son is a “typical” boy, sometimes aggressive. It is good to read that it is natural and maybe a necessary thing for them. I get so embarrassed and find myself getting aggressive towards him (talking directly in his face, grabbing him and removing him from the situation) when we’re at playdates and he is pushing or taking toys from other children. I guess I need to relax and explain things better to him-most children are aggressive at some point or another so I need to deal with it better;)
Also love the breastfeeding/biting tidbit. I had no idea that a strong reaction caused shame, how sad! I typically yelp and pull my daughter off–not meaning to be mean–but it hurts!
Great article!

By: Dr. Heather

Dr. Heather — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 23:38:23 +0000

Hi Patricia ~

I really can’t overstate this: Aggression is INNATE. We all feel it bubbling up inside from time to time — often for no “reason” at all. Your daughter hits because she can’t help herself. And honestly, it FEELS GOOD. It feels good like any other biological drive. It is hard to comprehend that aggression can FEEL GOOD, I know, especially for little ones. But it’s true, and we have to get our minds around that in order to help them.

Again, think about your own aggression, and try really hard to think back to when YOU were little. Hitting and breaking and biting were FUN. Really! Embarrassing to admit, but true.

So when you understand this reality, you can help her step past it, by helping her channel it appropriately. Trying to understand WHY she’s hitting at this age won;t get you very far. When she’s a bit older, you can help her try to connect the dots, but at this age her natural aggression is sort of bubbling out, randomly. So don’t scold, and don’t look for a “reason”. Difficult to do, I know! Good luck!!

By: patricia

patricia — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 21:16:23 +0000

Thank you thank you thank you for this post! My 3 year old has started hitting and pinching and scratching other children recently, and I’ve been baffled by how to deal with it. Time outs seem to only make her worse, as she then starts hitting me. One question though: what do you do when you have NO IDEA why she’s being aggressive toward the other kids, and she can’t or won’t really tell you? I ask her why she does these things, and she has a typical preschooler’s rambling non-responsive answer, “Because I pinched her and then her mommy was mad,” kind of thing. The other adults who have witnessed the incidents have never mentioned any provocation and I’ve never seen any. I can understand that she hits me because she’s mad that I’m punishing her, but how to address this seemingly-unprovoked aggression? I’m happy to talk to her about channeling her anger better, if I understood what was driving it in the first place. Thank you!