Sweet Sleep Success
August 13, 2010 by Dr. Heather
Filed under Babies, Motherhood, Sleep
It’s hard to believe, but 6 weeks ago I was in agony, being awakened 6 or 7 times a night by a 7-month-old baby who seemed desperate to nurse each and every hour over night. I was at DefCon 7, or 8, or 47, or whatever the highest possible number might be for Maternal Sleep Deprivation. Worse, this is our 4th baby. My fantasies of finally getting a baby who was a good sleeper were shot to hell, and I was MAD.
YES!!!
Going the “babywearing” route — responding to every need — wasn’t working — it was making things worse. So I undertook the most rigorous “Sleep Training” program I’ve tried yet. And it worked.
Now, I’m not advocating that you try Sleep Training — and by that, I mean some variation on the “Let Them Cry Longer Than You Normally Would” theme. No, please don’t take this as something I’m necessarily advising you to do. Just hear me out for a minute:
Some babies do very well with “babywearing” and co-sleeping. Mine don’t. They either get all aggravated with the extra body contact — they want to be “free” — or think sleeping with Mommy and Daddy means fun playtime all night long. It seems they want to sleep in their cribs, because they’re wonderfully well-adjusted (and much more well-rested when they finally “get it”), but they need help in “getting it”.
So I used my Shrink’s Crystal Ball and devised a perfect sleep plan just for her that worked immediately. Hah! I wish. No, seriously, I thought about her specific age (7 months), her temperament (loud and excitable, but resilient and forgiving), and our family’s needs (3 older kids who need to have a reasonably quiet house at night plus 2 working parents), and went from there. It was 6-ish weeks, with 2 or 3 of them being fairly challenging, but I am happy to say that the plan has worked fabulously well. Miss Nighttime Partier is now sleeping 10-11 hours at night.
This combination: Your baby’s age, temperament, plus your family’s needs, all get put into my formula for improving any parenting problem with your baby — not just sleep. It’s a personalized approach that goes way beyond a checklist that you might find in a parenting magazine. It’s developed for you and your family. That’s the basis for my Parent Coaching service that I’m preparing to offer online, and I’m really excited to be able to help families far beyond my little island home out here in the Pacific.
So stay tuned for more details on BabyShrink Parent Coaching, and in the meantime, comment or email me for more specifics on your little nighttime partier.
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
Hi Dr. Heather,
Neat concept! I may need to try out your Parent Coaching Service when you’re up and running. My 3 (almost 4) year old daughter crawls into our bed every night, and we’d like to help her stay in her own room. Looking forward to hearing more details soon!
Did you post your details of what happened here? I am in the same boat- not 2 other kids- but need my daughter to sleep through the night at 8 months as I have not gotten more than 3 hours of sleep at a time since she was born and having a hard time with the crying it out!!
Hi CounselorMom ~ Each baby is different and requires a unique sleep plan, based on a combination of your needs, her needs, her age, and her temperament. Here are some general thoughts:
Transitioning from a family bed to a crib (or trying to increase sleep) at 10 months of age is bound to be tricky. Some amazing developmental changes are taking place between 9 — 12 months that help your baby become more independent and to communicate better with you. But until he’s gotten used to his new “baby powers”, he’s likely to be more fussy and clingy — even at night.
Some parents decide to wait out this stage to make the transition to a crib. Others feel it’s time to reclaim the bed for “couple time”. Both are legitimate decisions, and typically developing babies can handle either one. If you decide to make the transition to a crib, or to reinforce STAYING in her crib, here are some tips:
* Talk to your baby — often — about your plans. Read her books about babies who sleep through the night, and show her how impressed you are with those babies. Talk about how happy and rested Mommy and Daddy feel when she sleeps until morning in his own crib. Talk about how daytime is for fun and play, and nighttime is for rest and sleep. Reinforce every little step she takes with praise.
* Consistency is the key. Pick an approach that feels most comfortable for you and your family — and stick with it. The transition from family bed to crib often takes up to 3 weeks.
* Many approaches work, depending on your family’s preferences, and baby’s temperament. Some babies do better with a parent sitting next to the crib, providing reassurance. Others do better with a “cold turkey” approach. Ask your pediatrician or a child development specialist for guidance in picking the best approach for your baby, if you’re unsure.
* Plan for this to be a “big project” in the family, and make sure both parents are on the same page with plans for late-night awakenings. You’ll both need support from each other when baby awakens at 4 am!
* Your baby is likely to put up a big protest at first. This is normal and expected. Stay firm and reassuring.
* Remember that this is only one step in the process of encouraging your baby towards independence and self-reliance — important accomplishments for all of you!
Based on your observations of your baby’s temperament, pick an approach and try it for a few weeks. If you need to adjust along the way, that’s OK. Your sense of determination and reassurance are important components to success. And if you still need help, I’d be happy to set up some Coaching time with you personally. Good luck! Hang in there!