Transitioning Your Toddler from Co-Sleeper to Crib-Sleeper
He’ll only sleep with us!
Or maybe you just accidentally fell into having baby sleep in your bed. Lots of babies don’t sleep well in the first year, and we’re so tired that we’re willing to do anything to get a little rest. Plus, it really can be dee-lish to snooze with that little sweetie right there.
But eventually, your little baby grows — into a toddler. And realizes that she can 1) keep herself awake on demand, 2) insist on nursing constantly through the night, and 3) crawl, climb and play all over Mom and Dad, who are trying (in vain) to sleep.
So I get a lot of desperate emails from readers like Amy who are re-thinking the Attachment Parenting thing. Maybe not the WHOLE thing, but the “not getting any sleep at night after umpteen months” thing. Is it possible to transition a toddler OUT of your bed, and INTO her own crib? (Or is a toddler bed in your room better?)
This is such a complicated situation that I’m devoting an entire chapter in my book to it. But until that’s available, here are some things to consider:
- Toddlers don’t associate cribs with “jails” or “cages”, as some might suggest. That’s an adult projection. Toddlers feel relieved to have a safe, cozy, predictable place of their own to retreat to, after a long day toddling, climbing, and falling.
- Letting a toddler have free access to your room (or the whole house) at night while co-sleeping (or sleeping in a toddler bed in your room) is enough to cause most parents to sleep with “one eye open”. Too much freedom, not enough sleep — and maybe not safe, I say.
- Parents who aren’t getting much sleep after many, many months risk SERIOUS health consequences (think: life and death), plus the obvious negative impact on the relationship. Parents need some sleep to stay healthy and sane — plus their own time — together — to be “on the same page” and have a strong relationship. Even babies and toddlers can absorb — and accept — this message.
But how to do it? This depends on your family’s needs, the setup of your home, and your kiddo’s temperament. If you’re struggling with this, let me know. We can problem-solve in the comments section.
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
Mom of Four, Parenting Expert
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Aloha, I’m Dr. Heather
What about transitioning a toddler to nap in her own crib? She is a champ at going to bed and sleeping through the night, but refuses to take a nap in her crib. She will only nap if she is cuddling with me. I used to bring her to work with me and would nurse her and let her sleep in my lap. Now I’m a stay at home mom with another baby on the way soon. Any suggestions about helping her nap without me would be helpful and appreciated.
Rebecca,
I sure can understand your concerns. You’re going to have to be doing double-time with the baby, and no break from a toddler. How old is your daughter? Perhaps she’s transitioning away from a need to nap? What happens if she doesn’t nap — can she make it reasonably OK until maybe 6 or 7 pm? If not, and she needs to nap without holding you, can you practice slowly dis-engaging yourself from her naps? What if you snuggle with her, and then tell her you have to go do something (go to the bathroom, etc), and then come back and check on her? Give her something to hold — her blanket, a stuffed animal, or your t-shirt — while you are away for a couple of minutes. Get her used to you coming and going, and if she is really tired, she just may drop off to sleep. Keep encouraging her to do that. Explain how now she’s a Big Girl, and how Big Girls can do so many things that babies can’t do — really build her pride at being Big. And then really praise her when she is able to nap without you. Hang in there, and please check back in to let us know how it’s going!
Dear Dr. Heather,
my son is now 2 and a half years old. When he was born, he slept in his pram in our bedroom. Later on, about 6 months age, we moved him to his room. He slept in his crib, in his room, in the dark, until the day he started climbing out of his crib (approx. 18 months age). That’s when we decided to take one side of the crib off, so he could climb in and out without endagering himself. That’s when he also started to want a light on in his room.
He has never slept in the sideless-crib: the rug in his room and a blanket were his bed, so we decided to put a mattress on the floor as a bed. He liked sleeping there, but it took ages (and still does) to lure him to sleep. He wants his bottle (farewell, potty training!) and tons of stories, and won’t sleep unless Mummy sleeps with him (Daddy gets things done faster than me, but still struggles to make him stay put in his room, let alone in his “bed”).
What can we do to make him go to sleep willingly. Is he still too young to realize when it’s time to relax, close his eyes and go to sleep?
He sleeps from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. at night, even though the manoeuvres to get him to bed may start one to one and a half hours prior to knock-out. He naps around 3 hours in the afternoon, after daycare, which ends at 2 p.m. Wakes up around 6 p.m. I have tried not to let him nap, but he just goes berserk. He is a very active little boy, so I really think he needs the nap to recharge his energy. What do you think?
Is there a book (or even a few) that you can recommend reading to a toddler to help her transition from cosleeping to her own crib?
I’ve tried to find board books or picture books that address this but I am having no luck.
We need to move our 18-month daughter to a crib now because her head-butting and kicking (while asleep) are honestly hurting me! I’ve got TMJ-related issues, so getting kicked/hit in the head has set off flare-ups for me. And I’m at the point where I need to move her for my health’s sake.
Thanks for any book recommendations you may have.
Sincerely,
Tanya
I will try your suggestions and hopefully we can make some progress.
Hi Serena,
This is exactly why I’m not so thrilled about the idea of taking little ones out of their cribs too early. It gives them so much freedom to roam and keep the rest of the household awake! Have you tried talking to him — LOTS — about how his bedtime is, say, 8pm, and he can have a little reward — a star sticker or something he likes — for staying in his bed, even if his eyes are open? Talk to him, too, about what the dark means — time to close eyes and rest. Also talk with him about how Mom and Dad need Grown Up time at night — in order to feel rested and happy the next day.
And yes, it may be too early to expect him to go to bed willingly, but you CAN use the rewards etc to push him in that direction.
I do understand the need for a nap, but a 3 hour nap, at his age, may be excessive. What if he had a 1 hour nap? Try to wake him perhaps 20-30 minutes earlier every day until you get there. I bet his bedtime would be considerably shorter — after a period of adjustment, of course. Try some of these ideas and let us know!
How do I transition my 6 month old from co sleeping to crib sleeping? She falls asleep at night by breastfeeding only and sleeps on the bed with me and my other half. I would like to move her crib from my room to another room because I noticed she awakes to the littlest sounds and therefore we either have be very quiet or she will need comforting at the breast to fall back asleep.
Have her take naps and play in her crib for a transitional period to get her more familiar with it. At night, get her used to holding and rocking her while you nurse, then putting her down in the crib when she’s done. She may awaken and fuss while she gets used to it — and you may need to be there to reassure her until she adjusts. Feel free to take her in and out of the crib if she needs it. You may consider making a bed for yourself or your other half in her room to put your arm through the slats — or, if as you say, YOUR sounds bother her — perhaps she will sleep BETTER in her own room, after you make the transition!
In any case, don’t start the transition until your whole family can absorb the temporarily lesser amount of sleep. You’ll need more rest in the day temporarily etc if she keeps you up more. But most babies make this transition — depending on their temperament — in a few days to a few weeks. But you’re right to start now, as she is likely to go through a more difficult phase at about 8-9 months. Check back in and let me know what happens! We can tweak the plan as you see how she does.
I have a 27-month old and a 9-month old who will be sharing a room. Currently, the 9 month old is sleeping in my room. He does sleep in his travel crib initially but then co-sleeps with me after a few hours. He nurses frequently to go back to sleep. I have done this so my baby does not wake up my husband. I want to transition him to his own crib in the nursery but I am concerned about my toddler waking up. What is the best age to transition the baby into his own crib? Thanks!
Rue,
That’s just it, isn’t it? If the family can’t roll with the transition of a toddler going from one sleeping arrangement to another — and the unavoidable noise and complaining that will occur — it’s really hard to make that transition. The first order of business is for you and your hubby to get on the same page. I imagine you are incredibly sleep deprived after all this time nursing through the night. And that is really, really hard on your health in many ways. Your husband’s support in getting the children to sleep quietly and nicely through the night is essential. And likely, that will involve some fussing and awakening of the family at night until the transition is made. Once you both agree on a plan, THEN you can feel free to go ahead and transition the baby into the children’s room — he is certainly old enough now. Keep me posted and let me know if you need more ideas!