babyshrink.com

Dear Dr. Heather,

A Concerned Dad

Dear “Concerned”,

That’s an old wives tale, but one that many people still believe. Here’s the deal: if he’s not working on locomotion — in some form or another — at this age, it could be reflective of some underlying issue. But ANY of the goofy forms of locomotion exhibited by babies at this age counts as “normal locomotion” — the “Commando Crawl”, the “Tushie-Scoot”, the “One-Kneed Creep”, and of course regular cruising and walking. Apparently the Back-To-Sleep campaign has resulted in an increase in babies who skip crawling, as they don’t get as much practice on their tummies. But getting mobile is the important thing.

Look at it this way: crawling is a drag. Walking is a lot more fun –and a lot less gross — for parents (Think: less opportunity to find and eat yucky stuff off the floor!). Plus you’ll save tons on Spray ‘n Wash since his knees won’t be dragging through the dirt all the time. And for you parents of girls — rejoice! You can finally bust out the pretty dresses! (There’s nothing more frustrating to a crawling baby than having a dress get caught up underneath her over and over!)

We look for some form of mobility — attempts to crawl, scoot or walk — by about 10 months, but this isn’t a hard and fast rule. Your pediatrician can do a quick review of your baby’s developmental progress if you’re worried.

Enjoy — and double-check your baby-proofing. This phase begins the wild time of The Mobile Baby With No Self-Protection Mechanisms! You’ll be running around after him very closely for the next year or so!

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

When our first was born, I was determined to eliminate any possible source of noise inside (and outside) the house in hopes of bettering my baby’s sleep. I neurotically tiptoed around, turned off the phones, waited on chores that made noise, and considered complaining to the County for allowing leaf-blowers in my neighborhood. Guess what? Nothing worked. The baby slept as she was going to sleep (not very well) no matter what.

As I kept having babies, the ability to even try to maintain a quiet home was beaten out of me. It simply wasn’t possible. And guess what? The babies still slept as they were going to sleep (still, mostly not very well). But slowly, it dawned on me that the normal, medium-noise level of the house not only didn’t seem to worsen the baby’s sleep…it improved it.

Turns out, babies are used to a ton of noise in-utero. The mother’s body — and the typical household — make it fairly raucous in there. So don’t worry about a little noise — in fact, noise machines, fans, and radios turned down low have all been found to encourage a good snooze.

I have found that a sudden CHANGE in the noise level of the house can disturb sleep; for instance, a generally noisy house turned quiet all of a sudden is just as likely to wake the baby as is the big roar of the garbage truck outside her window. But all in all, the baby will get used to the noise level in your house, and eventually allow you to sleep (a bit) too. So don’t make yourself nuts trying to shush the other kids (and your entire neighborhood). Just breathe deeply, and try to grab a nap!

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

I get a weird, quivery feeling in my stomach when I think back to the time, 8 years ago, when I first left our first child in the care of a sitter. That sitter, Keri, has gone on to become a part of the family — a central figure in our lives and the reason I can function on a daily basis. But on that day, I had horrendous visions of the damage that would be done to my daughter. How could anyone care for her as well as I? I had to force myself away from them — Keri holding my daughter’s arm up to wave “bye bye” as I drove away. I cried on my way to the meeting I had to attend.

It's harder on us than it is on them

Of course, all went very well that day, and for all these years since. But that day ranks up there with one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Here are some tips for those of you facing that fateful day:

Ease Into It Slowly

You and your baby will adjust more smoothly if you plan to be away for progressively longer periods of time. Start out slow: figure out the least amount of time that you’ll be able to handle being away, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Arrange to have the sitter come anyway, and explain to her that you’ll be coming and going as you all adjust to the new arrangements. Or if you’re leaving her at daycare, work out a “transition” time with the teacher so that you can come and hang out for awhile at drop-off and pick-up times, helping your baby (and you) to adjust. Eventually build up to the length of time you’ll usually be away. For some, this may take days — or weeks. That’s OK.

It May Be Harder For You Than It Will Be For Your Baby

Regardless of baby’s age, talk to her about your plans to leave in advance. Even if she doesn’t understand your words, the tone of your message will sink in. It will also be therapeutic for you to talk about it. Up until about 5 or 6 months, your baby will be pretty cool with you being away for awhile. Older babies and toddlers will need more “practicing” in advance, but for most, their protests will only last a few minutes at most after you leave. A good sitter will have a plan to distract her quickly after you’ve gone. Have the sitter call you when the baby calms down — you’ll feel much better.

Know That You’ll Feel Like A Part Of Your Body Is Being Removed

You’re supposed to feel that way — Mother Nature makes sure of that. Know it in advance and make plans to deal with the feelings: Call an understanding friend after you leave, and make plans for a fun thing you haven’t been able to do because of the baby. But don’t let the feelings keep you from getting the sitter in the first place.

Each Time It Will Get Easier

As long as your sitter is good, you’ll feel better and better each time you leave. And then you’ll start to feel a developing sense of relief and gratitude that you don’t have to do it all yourself. You have help now! HOORAY!

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink