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Our 6-year-old is in the throes of a really anxious phase. He often needs to be reassured about where we are, even if we’re all just in the house. He’s afraid to go to sleep at night. And he’s terrified of “ET”, a classic we allowed the babysitter to show the kids one night. You’d think my shrink-training would help in these situations, but often it doesn’t. You know how it goes: When it comes to your own kids, rational knowledge goes out the window.

Intellectually, I remind myself that 6-year-olds aren’t rational creatures yet. They can’t hang on to the logical reassurances we give them. They haven’t reached the stage where logic “sticks” in their minds. In many ways, they’re still like preschoolers; apt to live in the “magical world” of fantasy, imagination, and fears.

But when he’s scared out of his wits, part of me wants to scream, “Snap out of it! We’re not leaving you, we never have, and we never will! Enough, already, and go to sleep!”

So I’m calling in reinforcements. I’ve pulled an awesome book off my shelf and am reminded why I think this is one of the world’s best parenting guides. If you haven’t seen it, go spend 10 bucks on Amazon for the paperback version, or check it out of your library. You’ll refer to it again and again (and I promise, I get no “cut” from promoting anything here). It’s called “Between Parent and Child”, by Dr. Haim Ginott. It was first published a million years ago, but it couldn’t be more appropriate today. His sensitivity and approach to dealing with children simply can’t be matched. Reading Ginott again has lifted a weight from my shoulders and reminded me that all will be well with our son, soon enough. It’s also given me lots of good ideas for how to approach this phase-specific anxiety he’s going through.

I hope you enjoy it!

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

Here are some of my favorites, if you need last-minute gift ideas for young kids, ages 4-8:

Stoo Hample’s The Silly Book, published by Candlewick. This classic holds it’s own. My kids recite these ridiculously funny lines in the car, at home, and make BabyShrink’s Biggest Fan very proud in the process; she’s the one who bestowed this goofy gift upon us. Really, any young kid MUST have this book. Required reading!

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Check out Diary of Worm, by Cronin and Bliss (HarperCollins, Publisher). There’s a whole series of these Diary books, but this is my favorite. Funny and gross in a way your 4-8-year-old will love. Believe it or not, these kinds of gross stories are developmentally appropriate! Kids this age are starting to understand humor in a new way, and independence is enhanced any time our kids manage to gross us out. It helps them set up a little kid boundary around what they think and enjoy — and get a little space from us!

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Finally, I want to plug my friend Ilima Loomis‘ new book, Kaimi’s First Roundup. It’s a lovely depiction of the unique life of the paniolo, our Hawaiian word for cowboy, and the book is getting great reviews. Your kiddie horse-lovers will enjoy this unique take on the cowboy story. (And perhaps inspire a trip to come see us in Hawaii!) Don Robinson’s illustrations are fantastic.

Do you need a recommendation for a great book for yourself? Next time, I’ll tell you about the book I just finished — my favorite of the year!

Books are one of my favorite gifts, for any age. But I learned from BabyShrink’s Biggest Fan that it’s no good to give a book without thoroughly reading it first, to make sure it’s just right for the intended recipient. My mother sits for hours in bookstores, pouring through childrens’ books, and has come up with some fantastic specimens. I’ll feature a couple of those tomorrow.

But I have a real bone to pick with authors of books meant for babies — many of these are just poorly written, with no appreciation for a baby’s developmental level. A really egregious example is the series of books I saw the other day at one of the big-box stores. Upon first glance, the pictures were cute, colorful and fun. I think most parents (or grandparents) end their evaluation of the book right there. But if you look closer, you see that the storyline is confusing, there are a couple of parts that would be scary to toddlers and preschoolers, and the actual SIZE of the board book was enormous. Note to baby book publishers: Stop producing those giant board books that no baby could ever hold by themselves! Those things are real hazards. Have you ever tried reading one of those behemoths to a fidgety baby? They grab the pages and try valiantly to turn them, but the sheer bulk of the giant cardboard pages is enough to give the little one a black eye. Come on, let’s see some books that are created with actual babies in mind!

So I’m thrilled with my latest discovery, No No Yes Yes, by Leslie Patricelli. It’s a simple, hilarious look at the dilemmas experienced several times a day by babies and toddlers learning the rules and limits of life. Most baby books simply have too many words to be appropriate for such young minds.

Patricelli understands that just a few words — two, to be exact — plus simple and straightforward illustrations — are all that’s necessary to convey a world of meaning to a little one. I love that she understands the challenge of this age; to learn to control oneself, given the zillion rules imposed by parents. She’s truly speaking to her audience here, and in the process is already gaining an appreciative following. Our two-year-old is a case in point. He laughs hysterically every time he gets to the page where the baby puts a bunch of toys in the potty. He’s simultaneously thrilled with the central character’s daring, yet also mortified as to what the consequences might be. The book gets read several times a day around here — and nobody has a black eye from shlepping around a book the size of briefcase!

Please check out Patricelli’s book — and she has several other cute ones I’m looking forward to reading.

Do you have any good baby book recommendations?