Archive for the ‘Developmental Grab-Bag’ Category:
Why your first grader probably doesn’t have ADD
One of my pet peeves is the tremendous pressure that schools have been putting on our young children to “perform”. Over the past several years, schools have been ratcheting up their demands for the performance of academic tasks on younger and younger children. But the developmental realities of young children don’t change just because No Child Left Behind wants “results”.
Young children aren’t yet capable, cognitively or psychologically, to tackle heavy-duty academic work — without paying a price. And I worry about those children, like Linda’s daughter below, who may be unfairly flagged as having “problems with focus”, or even labeled ADD/ADHD, at such a young age.
Read on for Linda’s question, and my answer below:
Hi Dr Heather,
My six-year-old daughter is in first grade. Her teacher says she has “focus” issues, and is worried. While this is a small class in a private school, she is there for about 10 hours every day. That’s a long day. I think she just gets tired in the afternoon…at that age the best thing would be for her to be at the house at 3p I think. However we both work full time so it’s not an option.
I asked the principal about holding her back. However because she is so smart, there is a chance she would be bored and the principal says in her experience (30 years) holding back children due to focus issues rarely solves the issue at hand. She was tested at age three with a district program that checks for ADD and other issues, and the assessor saw no warning flags.
I think she is just a kinesthetic learner who is dreamy and in her head..and should probably be in school for a shorter day. Am I missing something? Can you really say “ADD” for sure at age six? I am worried that this could just be normal range of behavior for this age, and the requirements of schools these days are just the stress trigger, making her hard to work with.
Thanks,
Linda
Hi Linda,
In general, I do agree with you that our educators are expecting WAY too much of our children these days, when it comes to “performance” at an early age.
First grade is an interesting age. Teachers will tell you that they typically witness a huge change in children as the year progresses. Most kids will make the transition from what I see as more of a “preschool” sort of mentality, to more of a “grade school kid” sort of mentality. It’s a big step that’s made sometime during the year, and many issues of the kind you describe are sorted out in the process. That’s why standardized tests are viewed (at least by testing specialists) as being NOT super-valid until SECOND grade. There are too many variables up through the first grade. That’s also why we typically don’t diagnose a child with ADD/ADHD until at least age 7.
Our own daughter was “flagged” in first grade for variable performance on standardized tests that year. It made me crazy that they made the first graders sit for standardized tests at all — they’re worthless at that age! By the time they had a specialist test her (at the END of the year), all the issues they were concerned about had “vanished”. She is now doing beautifully in third grade.
Now of course I can’t directly evaluate your daughter, but I do think the questions you are asking are valid, developmentally. Asking a 6-year-old to focus for 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, is pretty unrealistic. But of course you want to make sure to take any legitimate concerns seriously.
You might consider asking the teacher to reinforce “on task” behavior, instead of simply worry about “off-task” behavior. You and she can collaboratively set up a plan whereby your daughter is rewarded (with something simple, like stickers or checkmarks, to trade in for small prizes) on a chart for demonstrating a few minutes at a time of “on-task” behavior. You want to set it up so that the goals are ACHIEVABLE — not something diffuse like “having a good day”. You will get much farther with rewarding her for focusing, than by making a federal case out of her being “off-task”. You also want to avoid giving her undue attention for NEGATIVE behavior, especially at this age. Kids have a way of absorbing the negative attention directed at them, and can internalize the idea that they “have a problem”. You’re much better off by reinforcing — and praising her — for doing what you’d like her to do more of. You can also tie her performance at school to things you want her to do at home — listen, complete chores, etc. If reinforcement and praise are coordinated between home and school, you have a better chance of improving things in both places.
See where this gets you, and let us know how it goes.
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
The “Good Enough” case against over-parenting
One of the central themes of my parenting approach is to go for “Good Enough”. Forget about perfection in parenting; it’s all about pragmatics. Balancing YOUR needs with the needs of your kids. Filtering out the pressure we get from the media to have perfectly sculpted kids from the beginning; babies who have been delivered without the benefit of modern medicine and by following a perfect “Birth Plan”, babies who have been breastfed as long as possible and fed the most perfectly organic diet, who have attained all of their developmental milestones early, attended the “best” preschools and “enrichment” programs, and go on to become the most perfect human beings.
This “Perfect Parenting Propaganda” has contributed to an enormous amount of pressure on parents, which is, as I have discussed here on BabyShrink, responsible for (at best) unrealistic expectations of ourselves and our kids, and (at worst) postpartum depression and other psychological fallout. I have advocated the “Good Enough” parenting approach with the intention of reassuring parents that there is, in fact, good research to support this approach. Being a Good Enough parent also allows us some room in our schedules and our lives; room to enjoy our kids, partners and families in a more relaxed and spontaneous way. And being “Good Enough” does NOT mean having a half-assed parenting approach. It does NOT mean you don’t care about your kids. In fact, it means that you understand that children need SPACE and TIME and OPTIONS in order to maximize their development; they need time to EXPLORE, and yes, even to FAIL. Striving for perfection, one of the driving motivators of the over-parenting tendency, is actually BAD FOR YOUR CHILD’S DEVELOPMENT. It gives them the message that they are not capable of managing their time and experiences. It does not allow them the time or opportunity to learn how to solve problems creatively. And it takes away from their ability to experience the independence that we had as kids (and lived to tell about it).
So it was with great excitement that I read the cover article in last week’s Time magazine. Nancy Gibbs puts forth a case against “Over-Parenting”, and her article gives lots more details that I can currently muster. (Hey, people, I’ve got a 6-week-old new baby who has decided that sleep is NOT FOR HER — or me!) The fact that I’ve got a few minutes here to expound on this topic should tell you how important I think it is! So here’s the link. Enjoy and discuss!
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
Here are a few of my articles on the “Good Enough” parenting approach:
The Good Enough Mother: Are Breasts Required?
More on the Pros and Cons of Attachment Parenting
and, Will My Baby Ever Sleep Through the Night? (A post I need to re-read!!)
What to Do if a 2-Year-Old Isn’t Talking
Hi Dr Heather,
My 2 year old son isn’t talking yet. He socializes at daycare, we read books, and try to encourage him by pointing at objects and saying their name. He will ramble on in his own language & expect us to understand it & sometimes gets frustrated when we don’t. He communicates with us mainly with body language when he wants something, but he’s also so laid back, and almost feels like he doesn’t think he needs to speak. Every now & then he’ll come out with a word here & there & we acknowledge it with praise, and other times when we try to get him to say a word, he gets really frustrated. He understands what we say & he follows directions very well. Do you have any tips? We’re running out of ideas.
Thanks,
Carrie
Hi Carrie,
I often get this referral question in the clinic where I consult. Parents and clinicians frequently worry about slow-to-develop speech; luckily, there is often nothing “wrong”. In general, what we’re most concerned about at this age is COMPREHENSION. If a 1 or 2-year-old has good comprehension, then overall language skills are usually fine. Kids DO talk at much more variable rates, and it often has nothing to do with later speech and language proficiency. Our third child was the latest to develop speech, yet now at nearly 4 he has, by far, the best diction and vocabulary of all our kids at that age.
With that said, however, 2 is quite late, overall, for speech to emerge. I suggest having him evaluated by your local Early Intervention team; your pediatrician can usually guide you to a group with a good recommendation. Even if there’s nothing amiss, the evaluators often can give you some great suggestions on how to further encourage speech use by your little guy.
If he does qualify for speech and language therapy, definitely go for it. These services are usually provided by very well-trained and dedicated professionals who can make the sessions fun and exciting for little ones. The good therapists closely involve parents in the sessions too.
Good luck and let us know how it turns out!
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
