babyshrink.com

Dear Dr. Heather,

Mel

Hi Mel,

At 3 years of age, your son now has an awareness of his body. He also is sensitive to any changes in it, and worries whether the changes mean something is wrong. Children crave consistency, and when things are different — they can get upset and worried.

Your son is not alone. Most toddlers and preschool-aged boys show an interest in the sensations and changes happening in their penis. (I guess it’s an interest that starts in early childhood — and never goes away!) It’s a perfect opportunity to convey the overall message that:

Your body is a good thing;
The sensations your body produces are healthy and normal; and
It’s OK to touch and explore your body — in private, by yourself.

Talk to your son about his private parts. Use short, simple sentences, and don’t try to convey too much at once. “Yes, sometimes your penis gets big like that. Sometimes it is small. But we don’t take off our clothes in the living room. You can go look at it in your room, if you want.”

Make sure nobody is giving him a negative message about his body; check with sitters, grandparents and others to see if this has “come up” with them, and how they’ve handled it. You want to make sure he’s getting a consistent, positive message.

Of course girls show the same interest in their bodies; check out this post. It also describes the limits of “normal”, and when to worry.

It’s not too early to begin to send a healthy message to young children about their bodies. Aim for striking a balance; you don’t want to instill a sense of shame or negativity about the body. Yet you want them to internalize the sense that their bodies are private and should be respected. It will help them to eventually feel a sense of physical integrity and safety, and to set appropriate boundaries later on.

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

First of all, I want to thank you all for hanging in there with me while I get the feed worked out for BabyShrink. Before I started this site, I thought “feed” was simply the activity in which I engaged, oh, 17 or 18 times a day. (My boys, especially, eat….a LOT.) But thanks to the Other Heather at OhMyStinkinHeck.com, it’s all good now! Heather, I really appreciate your responsiveness and expertise.

Second, some of you have noticed that my posting has been a little less frequent. After our trip, I intended to jump back in with lots of new stuff. But here’s what happened: A few nights ago, Baby TT was jumping around naked after his bath, as he is wont to do. He got into some kind of toddler freak-out about something, and Mr. Dr. BabyShrink noticed a strange little bulge in TT’s groin area. It only popped out when TT was screaming, then went back in.

We both knew it had to be a hernia. The pediatrician confirmed our suspicions, and he’s scheduled for surgery August 19 at Kapiolani, which is a children’s hospital in Honolulu.

Everyone is very reassuring about the procedure. “It’s the bread and butter of the pediatric surgeon. They do it all day, every day.”, “It’s not considered deeply invasive, and he’ll jump right back immediately.”, “It will be over before you know it.”, “You’re lucky it’s not something serious.”

Of course all of this makes sense to my logical mind. It truly is not a big deal, and we are so grateful for the good health of our three kids.

But my Mother’s Fears are going crazy. How can I surrender my BABY up to the the doctors and nurses who will strap him down, drug him, and cut him open? How can I hand him over to total strangers to fix something that doesn’t even bother him? What if…What if….What if….

To complicate matters, we have a family history of malignant hyperthermia, which apparently makes the anesthesia more complicated. It should be safe, since they know in advance about what drugs to avoid giving TT. But it still makes me damn nervous.

Lately I’ve gotten questions from many of you who have children with chronic health conditions. I’ve thought a lot about the impact of health issues on our relationships with our families, and on our parenting. And of course it’s easier to answer questions that OTHERS have. I’ll be posting some of those letters soon.

But first, I want to hear back from YOU: those of you who have gone through procedures like this with their children.

What was it like? What can I expect? How did you cope with the anxiety and fears? Were there any lasting impacts on your parenting? How did you explain to your little one what was about to happen? What about siblings; what did you say to them?

Thanks in advance for your ideas and support. You’ll be helping me — and a lot of other families out there who are going through the same process.

Whew! We’ve made it back from our trip to California. Even though we’re still unpacking, I’m thrilled that the trip was so fantastic — our best yet. I’ve been thinking about what made it such a success, and here are some of the tidbits I thought I’d share:

EXPECTATIONS. Have very few. The greater your expectations, when traveling with young kids, the greater your disappointment. Case in point: On one of our Disneyland days, I literally went on NOT ONE SINGLE RIDE, and I’m a huge Disney fan. My goals for the day were far more basic: Make sure the snack situation was in order for hungry-at-any-moment kids. Scope out an air-conditioned store in advance to hang out with a napping 2-year-old in a stroller. Strategize with Hubby so as to avoid the parade crowds, and get the kids on the rides they most wanted to do. My reward: Everyone had a great day, despite the huge crowds.

PLAN FOR ADULT FUN. We worked very hard to juggle the schedules of family and friends in order to arrange a Vegas trip — without the kids. I don’t even gamble; I didn’t play ONE SINGLE GAME. (I’m starting to sound a bit boring, aren’t I?) But we got to have lovely sit-down meals with the best of friends, enjoy an amazing show, and sleep in two days in a row. All of this made the other struggles of the trip easy to manage, because I knew we had a fun reward coming up. (Here’s a photo for you DGM fans.)

MAKE TIME FOR THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE. We have close friends and lots of family in Cali. Simply arranging days to let the cousins and kid friends play together was one of the most rewarding aspects of the trip. Nothing fancy, just hanging out. Playing at the park, or in Grandma and Grandpa’s backyard. The time together is already building a foundation of closeness among the kids that’s priceless.

DON’T FREAK OUT ABOUT TRAVEL DAYS. Yes, traveling with kids is challenging. Yes, getting to the airport, dealing with TSA, snotty airline employees (and child-free passengers), delays, car seats and rental cars all add up be quite ridiculously impossible, at times. I know of which I speak: Last year, we were trapped in an airport for 11 (yes, eleven) hours with our kids, then ages 6, 4 and 1. The delay meant that we would have to do an unanticipated red-eye flight to the mainland; 5 1/2 hours, and we would arrive at our destination at 5am. And by then I was out of diapers, had one old bottle left, and no food. How did we handle it? I have no idea. I’ve blocked it, like any other traumatic experience!

Seriously, it’s a day (or two) of hell, and you just get through it. If you need help, start asking airport or airline employees. Many of them will play dumb, but others will be able to help; last year we had to ask 4 or 5 different workers for someone to help us get from one terminal to the other with 2 sleeping kids and 12 bags. Eventually, a guy came with one of those cool electric carts to whisk us to our gate. We’ve had all sorts of problems with airplane seating; being assigned a “1-4″ configuration with 3 little kids, and other inanities; we just start asking workers (and even other passengers) for advice and help, and eventually, things are usually worked out. DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. BE NICE AND APOLOGETIC TO FELLOW TRAVELERS, who often take pity and can make things easier. Look for little, unexpected moments of relief: the computer terminals now available in many airports offer endless interest to toddlers, even if they never get to navigate off the “pay now” page. Get some ice, a couple of cups, and let the little ones at it; I have no idea why, but they seem to LOVE ice in paper cups. Find an uncrowded area away from the action, and let the kids go crazy. Run races, play tag, change stinky diapers…make yourself at home. And when you finally get to your destination, it’s a day of recovery, and then you’re off and enjoying your vacation!

Lots of you ask whether it’s worth the hassle to travel with young kids. I say GO FOR IT, as long as you manage your expectations, plan for some adult fun, pace yourself on travel days, and stay light on your feet in response to the kids’ needs. And don’t forget to take lots of photos and videos; in addition to being awesome reminders of these precious days with the little ones, you can keep the kids entertained all the way back home by reviewing them (over, and over, and over….)

Do you have other tips for making traveling with little kids more manageable? Do tell!