Mahalo to Jill and the gang at KITV!

Despite awakening at 4 am with bloodshot eyes from an allergy attack (perfect for HDTV, right?) — I was psyched to head down to KITV yesterday morning to talk story with the gang about parenting. So mahalo to Jill Kuramoto for inviting me, and a big aloha to Mahealani Richardson, Moanike’ala Nabarro, and Yasmin Dar for making me feel so at home in the studio. Looking forward to seeing you all again next month!

Here’s the link: Dr. Heather on KITV — January 17, 2012

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

Even Cake -- Rejected!

Pediatricians tell us that toddlers need fewer calories, so not to worry. But there’s another more developmental reason that toddlers often don’t eat. The “simple” cycle of HUNGER —–> EATING —–> FEELING BETTER isn’t really so simple for your toddler. It involves conscious awareness of a physical cue (hunger), understanding that FOOD is the solution to HUNGER, and then expressing that need to us. Not only do toddlers have better things to do than to sit and be restrained in a highchair (things like walking, running, climbing and screaming about bathtime), but they have a hard time “tuning in” to that feeling of hunger to begin with. We can all relate to that, right? Getting so consumed in an absorbing activity that we forget to eat. That’s the daily experience of your toddler.

Understanding this dynamic makes it easier to handle. Try this:

Think ahead about when your toddler’s likely to get hungry, and offer something she usually likes to entice her to the highchair. (Thin, crunchy breadsticks are the snack of choice at our house these days.) Then offer her a prepared meal — don’t expect her to sit and wait while you make it. If she resists, that’s OK. Take her down and send her on her way. Try again at the next regular snack or mealtime.

Drinking milk is your toddler’s default — it’s a lot easier to drink milk (think how easy a nice milkshake goes down), and it’s reminiscent of the good ol’ baby days, when parents took care of everything. In other words, it’s regressive — and comforting. And sometimes, toddlers get so crazy-hungry that they’re beyond food — it just doesn’t satisfy the way milk would. As long as your toddler’s experimenting with food and getting a little variety during the course of the week, regressing to milk in the service of preventing a hunger meltdown sometimes is OK. (But check out her menu with her pediatrician if you’re unsure.)

Don’t panic about rejected food. You can’t force a toddler eat, poop, or sleep. Putting extra pressure on the situation only makes it worse. Take a deep breath and be glad you’re not contributing to a future food neurosis.

Rest assured that as your toddler gets a bit older, this dynamic will naturally improve — young toddlers have more trouble with food than older, “more experienced” toddlers do. And as she gets to preschool age (3 or so), she’ll be more interested in playing social games involving food (think “Tea Party”), AND she’ll have a lot more experience with food under her belt. Once again, the miracle of development will help us get through this maddening stage.

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

Then I realized that our kids have special plans for us — plans to humiliate, embarrass, and otherwise show us for the idiots we fear we are. And these plans don’t stop at toddlerhood, they only get more complex as they get older and wiser. Parents are morons, right? I guess I remember feeling that way about my own parents (sorry, Mom and Dad!)

It helps (a little bit) to know that toddlers act better for others because they love us so much. When they’re with the sitter, they “hold it together”, waiting for the moment when we return. They put on brave little faces and their best behavior for those temporarily in charge. And then when we return — look out! All of that stored up stress and worry and upset about our leaving is dumped at the feet of those who caused it. Here’s a reader question about the issue from the comments section, posted here in case you missed it:

Hi Dr. Heather,

But he never uses a sippy cup at home!

JD

Dear JD,

YES, it’s extremely common — predictable even — that your baby will “perform” better for a sitter. The babies save their best — and their worst — for us. They seem to “hold it together” while missing us at the sitter, and then sort of fall apart for us. Refusing things like milk or cups falls into the same category.

But what to do about the milk dilemma? Milk in particular is reminiscent of the early, close bond with mom, and so there is often a special struggle around it. Try VERY SLOWLY introducing the cow’s milk — say one tenth at a time, and wait until you’re SURE he’s used to it, then another tenth. DON’T MAKE AN ISSUE OF IT — don’t mention it, (and try not to show him both milk containers in the kitchen, maybe prepare them in advance) and just try to be matter-of-fact. Slow, steady, but no pressure.

For the cup thing, offer him a sippy of perhaps watered down juice — just a small amount, ALONG WITH whatever he’s used to, at his highchair. It’s a drag to offer both I know, but he’ll start out “playing” with the sippy and eventually get used to actually drinking out of it. And he won’t fear that you’re trying to take away his usual. You can also make a game of it by giving him juice to drink in the tub, or even in the stroller, car etc. Eventually offer the cup more and the bottle less, and offer a lot of praise when he really starts to get the hang of the cup. Also, point out kids he likes when they’re using their cups. “Look at Max and his cool Spider Man sippy cup. Max sure looks thirsty!”

Aloha!

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink