babyshrink.com

Somehow, this pregnancy has settled into a nice routine. At 38 weeks and counting, my body seems to have adjusted to the aches, pains, and lack of sleep I’ve been griping about for months. Somehow, it seems like the “new normal”. Even my ankles would agree; instead of 2 pork chops protruding from the bottom of my capris, I’ve somehow got magically slimmed-down ankles. I’m scheduling work for the next 2 weeks (despite my co-workers’ comebacks of “Yeah, right, you’re coming to the next meeting!”) and enjoying the comments (and even the stares) of strangers about my obvious state of pregnancy. My wonderful husband has fallen into the routine of giving the kids dinner and putting them to bed, and then doing the dishes, while I put my feet up and “talk story” with him. Hey, I could get used to this!

Um, except that…Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, is it? As much as I’m wanting to avoid this thing called “labor and delivery”, what actually FEELS like “jumping (or getting pushed) off a cliff” — deep down, I know I can’t pretend it’s not about to happen. Deep down, this control freak is really scared about the unpredictable nature of labor, and the fact that an unknown doctor in the group is likely to deliver my baby, not to mention the fact that I’m about to meet a little stranger. An interloper into what has become the lovely rhythm of our family.

I’ve spent this pregnancy in deep gratitude for the upcoming birth of this baby; grateful for the simple fact of my pregnancy at age 41, grateful that the pregnancy has progressed so well so far, and grateful for the support I have to go through this again.

But now I’m getting worried about the incredible changes we’re about to face. Yes, I know. I’ll fall in love with her the moment I meet her (or perhaps soon thereafter). My motherly instincts will kick in — they always have before — and the baby will be a wonderful addition to the family. Yadda yadda. But at this point she’s still such a mystery; such an enigma. So close, and yet so unknown. And she’s about to change everything. It’s a little scary for a control freak like me to anticipate!

I feel protective of the three kids we have, and our routine that this new baby is about to smash. As excited as the kids are about their new sister, I feel anticipatory guilt that they surely cannot know the degree to which my attention will be taken away by the baby (and the killer sleep deprivation I will endure). And I groan when I think of the messy recovery from childbirth, the weight I’ll have to lose, and the strategic clothing that needs to be worn by a lactating mother who also attends Board meetings and clinical consults.

So I think I’ll just pretend that this is “the new normal” for a little while longer.

Baby? Who’s having a baby?

I’m not prone to depression; I’m more of an anxious type, with a tendency to overreact and sweat the small stuff. So when our (4th) baby is born (I’m 30 weeks along now, folks!), I’m anticipating some hormonal upheavals (as well as the excruciating sleep deprivation that comes along with a new baby), but not depression per-se.

But as a clinician, I’m very concerned about the high rate of postpartum mood disorders, as well as the tendency of new mothers to ignore or deny their symptoms. Many of you have written to me, with stories of untreated PPD in your pasts, begging me to help get the word out to moms who might be experiencing the condition now. POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION IS ONE OF THE MOST TREATABLE DISORDERS WE KNOW. If you, or someone you know, might have PPD, PLEASE help her to get help…immediately. You can show her this article, which is a nice, straightforward review of the condition, and you can also listen to my 16-minute, free podcast on PPD.

And I know you don’t read BabyShrink for a dose of politics, but the situation regarding health care in America is at a point of critical mass. Insufficient numbers of primary care services in this country result in our missing PPD far more than we diagnose it. This is especially true in rural and semi-rural areas — where many of us live. We MUST reform our health care system to ensure that ALL women are screened for PPD — and given the treatment that we know works — for the benefit of their babies, their families, and themselves. And that will only happen if we reform health care to emphasize the prevention and wellness approaches that we know WORK. Treating PPD isn’t the hard part. Reforming health care IS. But it must be done.

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

I’ve always been fascinated by the interpretation of dreams, and I study the process in detail. I’ve also found it really interesting and helpful to understand my own dreams as I go through major life changes. Our dreams are our way of sorting through the events of the day and pulling out important issues we still need to understand. It’s our way of communicating with ourselves; it’s our unconscious, giving us hints about things that need further thought or action.

It’s really common to have particularly memorable and intense dreams during pregnancy. There are several contributing factors to this:

Frequent night wakings. I remember waking easily 3 or 4 times a night when pregnant. When you awaken just after dreaming, you are more likely to remember the dream.

The stress of the impending change in your life with a baby on the way. The stress of a major life transition is bound to result in more active dreams.

Hormonal and other physical changes. Your upset tummy, sore back and soaring progesterone all throw your body’s chemistry into a new time zone. Your dreams are disturbed as a result.

So how do you interpret those wacky dreams? The interpretation of pregnancy dreams follows the same general rules as the interpretation of other dreams: First and foremost, write them down, immediately after waking. Keep a pen and paper at your bedside and scribble down whatever you can remember. Even if you’re sure you’ll remember the details in the morning, chances are…you won’t. (Dreams are funny that way. We have to “chase” them if we want to understand them.)

Don’t judge the dream, no matter how wacky (or twisted) it was. Keep an open mind, which will allow the process of understanding the dream happen more easily.

After reading the dream again, start a new section of notes, where you will jot down any random associations to the dream. Include any impressions, images that come to mind, and feelings and thoughts, even if they don’t seem related to the dream. Also list the events of the day (or days) previous to the dream.

Finally, re-read everything to see what connections you make. Sometimes, you need to put the whole thing away for awhile, to let some of your objectivity return. Later, you might see new meanings and interesting relationships between your outer life…and your inner mind.

There are some common themes in pregnancy dreams, many of which my readers mentioned in the comments section to my previous post.

Dream Worries
Pregnant or not, we often dream about losing control in a situation. I think that’s what Dawn’s dream was about, at least partially; teeth falling out is a classic, frequent dream symbol for feeling powerless.

Worry About Not Being a Good Mother
Sharon, MamaBigDog, and Alianora’s dreams all had this in common. Having a baby is such a huge responsibility, and we wonder if we’re up to it. There also could be an element of wish fulfillment there; what if I just left my baby alone, while I did my own thing? (I could do my nails, date a fabulous movie star, etc.) We certainly wouldn’t do it in real life, so we act it out in our dreams. Then we’re shocked when we wake up…Oh My God! I’ll be such a Bad Mother (there’s a club for that)! When perhaps the reality is, there’s a part of us that resents the enormous responsibility and changes brought about by a baby, no matter how wanted the baby is. It’s a fundamental dilemma of motherhood: I want to give everything to my baby. But I also need some energy for myself. How can I get some of the focus back on ME?

Worry About Something Being Wrong With the Baby
Kimi, Sharon and Hot Wife had dream themes along these lines. This theme is really a variation on the one above. “If I’m going to be a Good Mother, I’d better produce a Good Baby.” Then…what if my baby is somehow different than I expect her to be? What if I’m disappointed at how my baby turns out? Or worse: What if there’s something "really wrong" with her? What if I give birth to a “defective” baby, and am therefore a “defective” mother? I can’t think of a pregnant woman who hasn’t had a dream like this one.

The worry about being a Good Enough Mother starts before the baby is even born, dear readers! The whole notion of the baby being an extension of ourselves starts when the baby really IS a part of us, physically. It’s normal to have mixed, ambivalent feelings about the baby, and your new role as mother. And if this isn’t your first baby, it’s normal to worry about the impact the new baby can have on your nice stable family situation at home. A new baby IS an intruder, no matter how wanted. Having ambivalent feelings about that fact is normal. More importantly, recognizing and accepting the mixed feelings we have about our babies…and our children…makes it possible for us to consciously own those feelings, so that we’re not blindsided by them, brewing in our unconscious. Understanding our
dreams helps us to do just that…ultimately, be better mothers…and happier women!