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When I heard from Lisa Fields, a writer for Pregnancy magazine doing a story on “Nursing Must-Haves”, I was afraid that we were about to see yet another story on how blissful it is for everyone to breastfeed their babies. As I’ve said here before, it’s surprisingly difficult for many moms to nurse their babies — moms who try EVERYTHING and still can’t do it, despite every single effort to make it work. We hear from these moms here a lot, and they suffer unnecessary guilt over the difficulties they encounter.

But Lisa was interested in including a quote from me in which I at least am able to mention the issue of guilt and the pressure moms experience to “get it right”.

It’s also exciting for me as I embark on my quest to make important — and useful — parenting information more available. Parenting babies and young children can be difficult, and our generation of parents has to sort through a bunch of inaccuracies and propaganda about child development in the quest to be the best parents we can be. Conflicting messages about breastfeeding, potty training, discipline, TV, and other “hot button” issues make it stressful to feel good about making parenting decisions. I’ve done a lot of work to sort through the garbage and provide you with the most essential and helpful parenting information I can — information that’s vetted directly by me, a psychologist and child development expert, and mom to four young children. To that end, I’m happy to announce that I’m also being used as an expert source in upcoming issues of Parents and American Baby magazines, as well. I’m commenting on some of the most common problems we, as parents, face with our young ones — and suggest what I hope are helpful ideas to make your life simpler and more satisfying, as parents.

Thanks to Lisa for giving me the opportunity to start to reach a wider audience, and to you for your ongoing support! You can pick up the June/July issue of Pregnancy in Target, and most bookstores and newsstands. (I’m on page 60.)

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

Somehow, this pregnancy has settled into a nice routine. At 38 weeks and counting, my body seems to have adjusted to the aches, pains, and lack of sleep I’ve been griping about for months. Somehow, it seems like the “new normal”. Even my ankles would agree; instead of 2 pork chops protruding from the bottom of my capris, I’ve somehow got magically slimmed-down ankles. I’m scheduling work for the next 2 weeks (despite my co-workers’ comebacks of “Yeah, right, you’re coming to the next meeting!”) and enjoying the comments (and even the stares) of strangers about my obvious state of pregnancy. My wonderful husband has fallen into the routine of giving the kids dinner and putting them to bed, and then doing the dishes, while I put my feet up and “talk story” with him. Hey, I could get used to this!

Um, except that…Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, is it? As much as I’m wanting to avoid this thing called “labor and delivery”, what actually FEELS like “jumping (or getting pushed) off a cliff” — deep down, I know I can’t pretend it’s not about to happen. Deep down, this control freak is really scared about the unpredictable nature of labor, and the fact that an unknown doctor in the group is likely to deliver my baby, not to mention the fact that I’m about to meet a little stranger. An interloper into what has become the lovely rhythm of our family.

I’ve spent this pregnancy in deep gratitude for the upcoming birth of this baby; grateful for the simple fact of my pregnancy at age 41, grateful that the pregnancy has progressed so well so far, and grateful for the support I have to go through this again.

But now I’m getting worried about the incredible changes we’re about to face. Yes, I know. I’ll fall in love with her the moment I meet her (or perhaps soon thereafter). My motherly instincts will kick in — they always have before — and the baby will be a wonderful addition to the family. Yadda yadda. But at this point she’s still such a mystery; such an enigma. So close, and yet so unknown. And she’s about to change everything. It’s a little scary for a control freak like me to anticipate!

I feel protective of the three kids we have, and our routine that this new baby is about to smash. As excited as the kids are about their new sister, I feel anticipatory guilt that they surely cannot know the degree to which my attention will be taken away by the baby (and the killer sleep deprivation I will endure). And I groan when I think of the messy recovery from childbirth, the weight I’ll have to lose, and the strategic clothing that needs to be worn by a lactating mother who also attends Board meetings and clinical consults.

So I think I’ll just pretend that this is “the new normal” for a little while longer.

Baby? Who’s having a baby?

I’m not prone to depression; I’m more of an anxious type, with a tendency to overreact and sweat the small stuff. So when our (4th) baby is born (I’m 30 weeks along now, folks!), I’m anticipating some hormonal upheavals (as well as the excruciating sleep deprivation that comes along with a new baby), but not depression per-se.

But as a clinician, I’m very concerned about the high rate of postpartum mood disorders, as well as the tendency of new mothers to ignore or deny their symptoms. Many of you have written to me, with stories of untreated PPD in your pasts, begging me to help get the word out to moms who might be experiencing the condition now. POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION IS ONE OF THE MOST TREATABLE DISORDERS WE KNOW. If you, or someone you know, might have PPD, PLEASE help her to get help…immediately. You can show her this article, which is a nice, straightforward review of the condition, and you can also listen to my 16-minute, free podcast on PPD.

And I know you don’t read BabyShrink for a dose of politics, but the situation regarding health care in America is at a point of critical mass. Insufficient numbers of primary care services in this country result in our missing PPD far more than we diagnose it. This is especially true in rural and semi-rural areas — where many of us live. We MUST reform our health care system to ensure that ALL women are screened for PPD — and given the treatment that we know works — for the benefit of their babies, their families, and themselves. And that will only happen if we reform health care to emphasize the prevention and wellness approaches that we know WORK. Treating PPD isn’t the hard part. Reforming health care IS. But it must be done.

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink