Posts Tagged ‘body awareness in preschoolers’
Body Awareness in Preschoolers — One Mom’s Fears
Dear Dr. Heather,
I am worried about my 3-year-old daughter, who has made 2 comments about her “bottom” in the last 2 weeks. She didn’t want me to look at her bottom when I was putting a pull-up on her. When I asked her why, she said “I don’t know.” And visiting her grandparents’ house, she was getting dressed for the day and told her grandma that she didn’t want grandpa to see her bottom. I know that her grandpa would NEVER EVER do anything inappropriate…as a matter of fact, he has never even changed her diaper when she was younger. There is nobody else who she is in contact with who would EVER do anything inappropriate either. But I am concerned. I have never used the word “bottom”. I do not leave my girls alone with men or even just grandpas or other children (like playing in their room by themselves). They have to play where I can see them.
What I want to know is this: Do preschoolers develop a self-awareness of their body to a point where they don’t want certain people seeing them in their undies, or in the bathtub….at what age and is this normal? What should I be doing at this point? My number one priority is protecting my young daughters.
Signed,
Anonymous — and Fearful — Mom
Dear Fearful Mom,
Sometimes it’s hard to see our babies venture into territory like this. Body awareness, along with a sense of “private parts”, is a first step in a child’s developing sexuality. This can trigger strong feelings in us as parents, especially for those who have lingering issues over sexuality, or perhaps have experienced some sort of sexual abuse or inappropriateness in our own pasts. The natural response is to hypervigilant about any possible danger, and to protect your child at any cost. But this can get in the way of your child’s growing — and normal — awareness of his or her own body.
So YES, children do start to develop a beginning sense of body awareness — and privacy — by age 3. It’s not a fully-formed sense yet, but preschoolers do start to pick up on the fact that some areas of the body are “private”. It’s a complicated idea and so at first they can get confused. They might not totally understand whom you DO and DON’T show your private parts to….it would not be unusual for a 3-year-old to act shy about her “bottom”, even with a parent. Then there may be other times where she will run around naked, with no inhibitions. They’re trying to figure out the “rules” about who can view which body parts. It’s a long process that takes at least a couple of years to really come to grips with what is a complicated — and “loaded” — concept.
You mention that you’re worried about where she heard the word “bottom”, since you don’t use it in your family. You might think about where else she might have picked it up. Does she go to preschool? Or have friends that use the word “bottom”? Those are possibilities. She could have even overheard a mother talking to her child about it at the grocery store, for instance, “Sit on your bottom when you are in the shopping cart.” Of course I can’t know, but I’m just thinking of how often you hear parents talking to toddlers and preschoolers about stuff like that in public. Maybe that’s where she heard it.
Now, it sounds as if you are afraid something inappropriate might have happened. Of course I cannot say one way or another if that is the case; I’m not evaluating your daughter, only giving you some parenting information. But I can tell you that, usually, children who have been sexually abused show MANY signs of disturbance and regression including sleep, appetite, behavioral, and other problems. Simply using an unfamiliar word — by itself — would not necessarily concern me. I would look at her OVERALL behavior over a period of time. Of course if you have reasonable suspicion, you should report those suspicions to her doctor and the authorities. But hopefully this is just part of the normal process of your daughter learning about “public” and “private” body parts — a task that all preschoolers do work on at this age.
You might also want to check out another article of mine on the normal development of sexual sensations in preschoolers. Click here for it.
I hope that helps. Let me know if you need more help.
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
Dear BabyShrink: Is My Son Normal?
Dear Dr. Heather,
My 3-year-old son gets upset with his penis gets erect. He says “mommy my pee pee go big.” It’s like a question/concern/fear all rolled into one statement. He then pulls down his pull-up or underweare (whatever he is wearing) and shows me…no matter who is around. I tell him it is ok and it will go back down. Is this normal, and if so, when does this stop?
Mel
Hi Mel,
At 3 years of age, your son now has an awareness of his body. He also is sensitive to any changes in it, and worries whether the changes mean something is wrong. Children crave consistency, and when things are different — they can get upset and worried.
Your son is not alone. Most toddlers and preschool-aged boys show an interest in the sensations and changes happening in their penis. (I guess it’s an interest that starts in early childhood — and never goes away!) It’s a perfect opportunity to convey the overall message that:
Your body is a good thing;
The sensations your body produces are healthy and normal; and
It’s OK to touch and explore your body — in private, by yourself.
Talk to your son about his private parts. Use short, simple sentences, and don’t try to convey too much at once. “Yes, sometimes your penis gets big like that. Sometimes it is small. But we don’t take off our clothes in the living room. You can go look at it in your room, if you want.”
Make sure nobody is giving him a negative message about his body; check with sitters, grandparents and others to see if this has “come up” with them, and how they’ve handled it. You want to make sure he’s getting a consistent, positive message.
Of course girls show the same interest in their bodies; check out this post. It also describes the limits of “normal”, and when to worry.
It’s not too early to begin to send a healthy message to young children about their bodies. Aim for striking a balance; you don’t want to instill a sense of shame or negativity about the body. Yet you want them to internalize the sense that their bodies are private and should be respected. It will help them to eventually feel a sense of physical integrity and safety, and to set appropriate boundaries later on.
Aloha,
Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink
